| Hey again everyone..... This page will de dedicated to all the latest happenings in my life.... The Good, The Bad, and The Funny...... |
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July 9,2010
Hey!!!! I know it's been quite a long while since I blogged. Been pretty
busy and I keep meaning to update. My bad!!! This has been one of my
busiest summers ever. It's been pretty quiet on the incident front. Until last
week. I performed at a golf tournament last week. Needles to say,they had
been drinking since March. The sound was shit and nobody wanted to be
there. It had the making of a horrible gig. Which,it was. By the time I got
up there they were well toasted. I start my act and this drunk women yells,
"You're half and half!!!" I hadn't said 2 words. I started talking to her. She
started saying for no reason...."I'm a lesbian and I fucked Bret Favre".
Like I said they were all hammered. The she starts starring at my crotch.
I'm asked are you checking me out. She replied," Well, you don't have
much!!" I fired back..."Really!!!! I'm pretty sure my dick is bigger than
your clit!!!!" That was pretty much the highlight. I did one joke in 20
minutes of screaming and closed by saying, "Thank you very much I'm
going to get a day job."
I'll try not to fall so far behind this time.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!
May 4, 2010
Hey everyone!!! Once again sorry I have fallen behind in my blogging. To
be honest it's been kinda quiet on the incident front. Until last night. I was
in Calgary hosting "Comedy Monday Night". A great open mike night that's
been running for years. Many rookies and pros come down to work out stuff
or just to hang. So, I'm hosting and was getting ready to bring a new kid on.
I asked him before how to pronounce his last name properly. Trust me, it
drives me crazy when people screw up my name so I want to get other
peoples right. I must have asked him 5-6 times so I would get it right. I go
back on stage, do a joke then as I am about to introduce him I forgot his
name. I know I'm an idiot.I asked him from the stage how to say it. He told
me and I introduced him. I apologized and walked off. Then he says.....I
assume he was trying to be cute.."GET MY NAME RIGHT NEXT TIME
ASSHOLE!!!" ( that word seems to keep following me).
I turned and looked back at the stage and thought,"REALLY!?!?!?!" . This
kid has been on stage all of dozen times and I'm an asshole???? As I
walked back all the veteran comics were saying,"You're going to tear him
a new one right????".... "What do you think??" So he did his act to pretty
much silence. Which I knew that was going to happen. He finished to no
laughs and I came back on stage.I took the mike." Keep it going for Adam
whatshisface!!!!!" I looked at him."Sorry buddy!" Then I screamed,"HEY
ADAM,NEXT TIME BE FUCKING FUNNY ASSHOLE!!!!" To the cheers of
my fellow comics. The odd thing was that nobody could find Adam after.
Out west for a few more days then home. I'll blog soon.I promise
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
March 29,2010
Howdy Y'all!!!! All is well on my western tour. I was hosting the other night at
The Comedy Cave in Calgary when let's just say I had an incident. First off I
was standing out side when someone ask me if I was one of the comedians. I
said yes and then he asked the question that every comic HATES!!! "Are you
funny????" I looked him strait back in the eye and said,"Not at all." Why do
people ask that question? I'm on the show I've been booked so doesn't that
answer your question?? Would you ask your doctor....."Are you any
good???? Have you killed a lot of people???" I don't get it.
So I was hosting when I mentioned that I'm from Montreal and then some
drunk idiot screamed "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MONTREAL!!!" OK
buddy, relax. As I was trying to talk to the crowd 2 women who were sitting
with Mr. WOOO would not shut up. Commenting on everything. So I took it
to them."WOW,they must be missing you at the trailer park!!!" The crowd
ooooed,they usually do. I went back to the crowd and then I mentioned that I
was single. Then one of the trailer girls says."I'm not surprised" I shot
back,"Honey, if I was married to you I'd be sucking dick right now!!!!" I
brought on the next comic. When he was done I came back on stage. The
same woman said..." Wow, that guy was funny but this guy is an asshole" I
looked strait at her,"What did you say????" She clammed up. They usually
do...........stupid !@#$%^&*()
The second show went much better. But, there was one funny moment. I
was talking about the Olympics and some guy in the crowd mention how
they beat us in hockey.????? I asked what do you mean?? "Well, you guys
lost the gold medal???" What do you mean we?????" He thought I was
American. I told him I was Canadian. He said, " All you black guys look
the same." I laughed and said," That's s funny all you white guys looked
the same just before we shoot you." I know what he said was in fun. I'm
just proud I came back so quick with that line. One week to go
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
March 20,2010
Greetings from Vancity!!! Just got here and having an awesome time. My
first show on Thursday went well. Was talking to the crowd and there was a
softball team having a fund raiser. I asked what kind of softball do they play.
This woman told me "orthodox"......What the??? So I said," I guess you don't
play on Fridays!!!" I'm so happy they got that joke. I've had bad luck with
religious references in the past. Also, there was a stag party going on and I
asked the guy how he proposed. He told me he got down on one knee and did
it in her language. So being the jerk I am said," How romantic. You looked at
her and said, you don't need to clean my house anymore I'll marry you"
Last night there was a stagette. I started talking to her and let me tell you
she looked terrified. I asked where they were going on there honeymoon. She
told me Disney World. I'm like" WOW, where did you register at Toy's R
US???" They all laughed because that's where she met het husband to be. So
I crack up and say," Did you work together or were you 12 and he's 47????"
I know rude even for me. But wait, I top that one.
There was a drunk guy in the crowd and I had been talking to him. Nothing
major just back and forth banter. I ask the crowd who has it easier being
single men or women. He screams out," WOMEN SUCK COCK FOR COKE" I
snapped back," Buddy a woman wouldn't suck your cock for citizenship!!!!"
Every once and a while I say something that I'm very proud of. That one is
one of them. I spent the rest of the show trying not to crack up over what I
said. 2 more days in Van then off to Calgary.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
March 18, 2010
Hey everyone !!!! Just finished a great weekend at The Comedy Room in
Detroit. Had an awesome time. Good crowds and great shows. But,you know
I'm not writing you just to tell you this....LOL. On the Saturday show things
were going well. To the right of the stage there was a table of "Wanna be"
biker looking guys. My guard went up. Not that I have had any problems
with bikers in the past...well except that one time with the HELLS
ANGELS.....(see my March 14,2009 blog for that story). These guys were
harmless but I had a feeling. So, I go into my routine about hunting. I was
talking with a guy and I asked him what did he hunt. I could hear from the
biker boys...." I hunt coons"...He didn't say it very loud so I ignored it. As I
kept talking to the 1st guy now he's says it louder....." WE HUNT COONS".
OK folks.....he dropped the puck....GAME ON!!! So I asked him what did he
say. Suddenly Mr. Klansman is quiet. I so took it too him. "I'm so happy they
let you out of rehab for the show tonight!!!" What time do you get back to the
trailor park?? I'll be sure to watch you on INTERVENTION this week" He
said nothing. His buddies were all like..."HE GOT YOU".....Hat trick scored
by Jocko Alston!!. So the show went on and they were having a fund raiser
that night. Your typical 50/50 draw. So, I finish my set, I hock my DVDs then
go into my closing bit. From the corner of my eye is see a girl holding the
50/50 bucket. I tell her I'm not finished. She says ," But, we have a draw" . I
asked her could I finish first. He didn't even blink. OK 50/50 draw time. She
picks the ticket tell tells me..."When you read it be funny!!!" To which I
said."Hey, thanks for the career advice" Did my closer and all was well. I'm
off to Vancouver then Calgary for my annual." Rocky Mountain Redneck
tour"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
March 6th 2010.
Hey all !!!! Well, last week I did a gig for the Buffalo Jills....yes the cheerleaders for the
Buffalo Bills. I know I know my job sucks.....lol.When I got to the gig I walk in and there
they were. All in uniform. VERY COOL!! Got a chance to take a group picture with
them.......oh I'll be posting that very soon. Had a great show, always enjoy going to
Buffalo. The one thing I noticed were the boyfriends of the cheerleaders. As I was
meeting each of them and getting there autographs I would meet the bf's . I guess it's a
secret handshake that they have because each one of them would suddenly stand as
tall as they could and attempt to crush my hand.I laughed each time. OK boys.....I GET
IT!!! All I can say is guys, don't worry about my hand....it's the other guys who see your
gals on TV hands you have to worry about. Off to Detroit for the first time in 2 years.
Then out west for my annual "REDNECK TOUR"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 26,2010
Hey everyone!!! Got a great story for you. Did a last minute gig just outside Ottawa last
weekend. It was a fund raiser for boys and girls rugby. So, I open with my
standard..."I'm a HUGE supporter of women's rugby because I love lesbians!!!!" They
liked that one. Half way through my show I ask what the age is of the players,then I
noticed a VERY young boy in the crowd. This is after numerous fucks and shits came
flying out of my mouth.I asked how old he was .HE told me he was 12. What the ??????
"Are your parents here???" He said no. I asked where they were. He replies...." I don't
know" I paused and said..." Well,if your parents don't give a shit,why should I so fuck
you". Now, I have said some rude things in my life. But that one tops the list. The
crowd exploded, he enjoyed it also. So as I went on I kept referring to him. Then I found
out that a 28 year old guy still lived at home. So I moved my attention to him. Each time
I asked him a question someone else would answer.I finally said..." Does he do
anything on his own??? Hell, he still lives at home I'm sure he does A LOT of things on
his own!" So when the night was over I was selling my DVD'S and guess who the 1st one
to buy one was....thats right,the 12 year old kid. I autographed it....Connor....stay in
school!!!
Oh well off to do a show in Buffalo for the Bills cheerleaders. I do hope they are all of
age.....and that sounds wrong.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 19,2010
Hey all!!! Well, I had a rather interesting gig last. If you read my last blog I was working
with Alonzo Bodden. Very funny and cool guy. Soon after meeting him I told him about
my new DVD having a similar title to his and I was going to change it. He was VERY cool
about it. So I did my show and it went well. Afterwards I was outside the theatre selling
my wares. I have to tell you I had about 10 people ask me where I was from. When I told
them I'm a hometown boy they all seemed shocked. So one guy asked about my DVDs.
Then he said..."Hmmmm I'm curious so I'll guess I'll but them" Gee thanks!!!!!So, I go
back into the room and Alonzo was surrounded by people wanting pictures and
autographs,yada yada. I'm standing in the back just chillin when some guy felt the
need to talk to me. Never a good thing. So he says..."Wow, you must feel bad that
nobody wants to take a picture with you!!!"Well,I was still in comedy mode so I fired
back."That's OK,one day they will want my picture,they'll NEVER want yours".
Needless to say he stopped talking to me. Ahhhhh the glamour!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 17,2010 ********* LIMITED EDITION DVD***********
Hey all!!!! What a weird and great week it has been. Had an awesome launch week at
Ernie Butler's Comedy Nest. Thanks so much to the staff and especially Ken and Jake
who helped put it all together. Then, things got weird. Long story short I was booked for
a gig and found out that I'd be working with a very talented comic named Alonzo
Bodden. You might know him as the winner of "Last Comic Standing". I thought COOL
!!!! What a great opportunity!!! So I googled him to get some info. Well, I found out that
in 2005 he released a DVD called " Tall, Dark and Funny"....Sound familiar !!!! LOL!!
After further googling I also found out that George Lopez has an HBO special called; "
Tall, Dark and Chicano"...D'OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm changing the title of my DVD from......"Tall, Semi-Dark and Funny" to "40...No
Filter". I've googled it and IT'S MINE!!!!! So, now I have about 120 copies of;
"Tall,Semi-Dark and Funny" left. They are now collector's editions. Each one will be
numbered and signed. Once I've sold these they will officially become...
"40...No Filter".Oh well, good thing I found out now and not after some type of
lawsuit....lol. I'll let you know how it goes with Alonzo. I'll be sure to tell him about my
title. Got to be upfront about it. I honestly had no idea.
Then next week I'll be gigging for the Buffalo Bills Cheerleaders......it's a fund raiser
for new uniforms...and they'll be wearing their old ones.......my job sucks........lol
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 5,2010
Hey everyone !!! I know most of my blogs tend to deal with the funny side of my life but
today I'm feeling a little different. I just want to take a moment or two to say a few
things. Tomorrow my 2nd DVD will be ready and it has made me think of the last 15
years of my career.
Now, before you read this although it may sound like I'm bitter or angry I am not. I'm a
very positive and happy person. You'll understand what I mean by the end of this.
When I 1st started doing comedy it was as a joke. To see if I could do it. Although, I
bombed horribly that night I felt comfortable on stage. Which any performer will tell
you is half the battle. I plugged along for a few months and entered a contest.
"Montreal's Funniest New Comic" .I made it to the finals but lost to a guy who did 4
street jokes and read 2 greeting cards!!!! I was devastated!!! Not because I lost but how.
I know I was new BUT I did my own jokes !!!! I received a second place prize which, to
this day I have NEVER opened!!! I kept the envelope as a reminder of what this business
can be. I quit that night.
Several months later I was laid off from my day job and decided to try comedy again. I
was collecting unemployment so it seemed like a good idea. I got back in the groove
and started moving up. Along the way several of the older comics would tell
me..."You'll never make it" " Your act is just fluff!!! You say nothing" One club owner
told me I wasn't funny enough to play his club. It was the club where I started. So I took
my act on the road.
I started getting better and better. Still running into people saying I won't make it.
Years later one agent told me that despite my great reports from clubs and my now
" bomb proof act" that I "couldn't close a room".I hear that in my head every time I
take the stage. Through all of this I never stopped believing in myself. Oh, don't get me
wrong. There were days when I wanted to quit. Long drives wondering if returning to
Blockbuster Video would be a good idea. Thinking that maybe they were all right. But, I
still plugged away
I remember for about 6 years auditioning for the "Just for Laughs Festival".Being told
over and over again,"Not this year". Watching comics who at that point were opening
for me, making it. Comics who had done it half the time I had been doing it make it. It
killed me inside. But, I never let it show. I always said congrats to them and wished
them luck. The worst of these time being when the festival people picked the act they
wanted me to do, only to tell me I didn't make it because the act...that they choose
wasn't good enough. Those were the hardest times. Not congratulating them, but the
doubting of my ability. Other comics that I knew were going through the same feelings
and I saw them getting bitter and angry. How it would take them over. I never allowed
myself to feel that way. I just tried harder and harder.
It was then that I decided to NOT let ANYONE tell me how good I am. I'll let the crowds
decide. They laugh at a joke, it's a good joke.I know it sounds logical but you'd be
surprised how many performers don't do that. Once again I kept plugging along
working and working.
Finally in 2005 I got the festival. With an act that I chose. I figured I'd rather not get it
because I chose the wrong jokes. Not somebody else. At the time I met some execs
from a new radio network. XM satellite radio.I gave them a CD of my act. I can't tell you
how many comics ripped me up for that. "You're an idiot!!!" "You shouldn't have done
that!!!" Well, years later, after becoming one of there most requested acts and getting a
ton of email's from people who heard me and came to shows because of that, those
same comics call me asking who I gave the CD to.
When I recorded my 1st DVD once again people thought I was crazy. "Everybody has
CDs...nobody will buy a DVD" ."You're wasting your money!!!"But, I felt deep down
this would work. I did worry that I wouldn't sell a single one. Well,5 years later and over
2000 sold I'm about to release me 2nd DVD.
All of this to say this. Whatever you decide to do in your life. Whether its
performing,accounting or washing dishes you will ALWAYS run into people who will
think you're an idiot or try to convince you that they know better and you shouldn't
do it. Don't get angry or bitter. Believe in yourself. You and ONLY you know what's
right for you. If you fail....you fail. But, fail because of your choices, not others.I
thank all of those people for telling me I was crazy or not funny or you'll never make
it as a comedian. It motivated me to work harder because I knew deep down inside I
could do all those things. In the words of one of my inspirations..Michael Jackson
" It's just a matter of time,before you confidence wins out
believe in yourself no matter what it takes...just KEEP THE FAITH"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
January 30, 2010
Hey again!!! Well, we're in the home stretch of editing " Tall,Semi-Dark and Funny"
Should be ready by weeks end. The spring leg of my promo tour has been finalized.
Check the ON TOUR tab for more info. Should have some summer dates by the end of
February. I'm very excited about this and hope everyone can come out and share in the
fun.O.k back to the editing room.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
January 25,2010
Hey everyone!!! Hope you have all had a happy and safe start to the new year. Just
finished gigging at "The House of Comedy" in Niagara Falls. Fun club and always
great crowds. I was heading into my final bit and I ask," How many women find sex
more enjoyable for them than for the man??" One drunk guy, who had been yapping
all night screams. " Of course women !!! Us guys make them cum 5-6 times!!" I had
had it with his chirping. I fired back," I don't think you could make your-self cum!!!""
You probably jerk off your toe!!" Then I made him the show. I asked him what did he
do for a living. He told me he was born and adult and was getting younger by the
minute!!! "So that means your going from idiot to retard???" I fired at him. And he
was loving this!!!! So from that point on he was CORKY!!! I finished my set.
Mentioned my DVD with the usual....."Funny Bald Negro IS the title, because that's
what you'll tell your friends at work"..." Oh some FBN met a guy name Corky and
kept punching him in the face and got younger and younger then he became an
infant and he spanked him!!!" Finally at the end the guy came up to me....they
always do and said...." You were awesome and I HELPED YOU !!!!!" Sure bud you
helped me prove to whole room of people that you're an IDIOT !!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL!!!
January 8, 2010
Greeting from Halifax, Nova Scotia !!! Haven't performed here in 10 years. I'm gigging
at a new club named "Jokers". Nice little room. So last night I'm doing my act am I'm
doing my usual bits about being inter-racial. After the show a lovely young girl came
up to me and said that she enjoyed my act because she works at a "black and white"
school. To which I said...."They have a school for us now????" She was a little shocked
and explained that they had black and white students. Thanks for explaining that to
me.....lol
Today I did a spot on HALFM a radio station out here. Before I went on the station
manager told me that the name of my DVD..." Funny,Bald, Negro" may offend some
people. So only I could say the title. I always laugh because they are not the 1st
station to say that. The interview went well and I said NEGRO proudly 4 times. I
love my job.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!!
January 4th 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR ONE AND ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope everyone had a safe and happy
holiday. Had a somewhat quiet holiday myself. Meaning no run ins with drunk
hecklers. Very excited about the upcoming year. My new DVD .
"Tall, Semi-dark and Funny" is in the final editing stages. Should be ready and out in
early February. Working on a cross Canada tour to promote it. With some U.S dates
mixed in. Busy busy busy. Once again I wish everyone a great 2010. Will update you
soon.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
December 20,2009
Merrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Christmas!!!! I'm in Toronto hosting at Absolute comedy. The other
night I was asking if anyone was celebrating a birthday and someone said yes. I said
"Cool.....is today your actual Birthday?" They said, " No, it's on the 25th." Then I fired
back with..." So I guess you're celebrating with 12 of your friends."..........NOTHING !!!!
No reaction at all. I thought it was funny. Maybe I should of said...."That would explain
the 3 guys looking for you" Gotta work on my biblical material.
Positive vibes to all
December 13. 2009
Season Greetings everyone. Had a busy week with Xmas parties, which is always fun.
The 1st one was for a Dental office. A small party for about 25 people. 22 women,a
black guy and an Asian guy. ( Hold on...you'll read why I mention this in a minute ). My
buddy Jeff was the opener and he found out that the black guy was the boss and
everyone else worked for him. When I went up I opened with..."Hey, everyone !!!! I've
been standing in the back listening." Then I turned to the brotha and said.." My man!!!
You're not fooling me!!!! A black guy with 22 white women "working" for him....dental
office my ass!!!!! I've rented this movie before!!!! You're Big Daddy and these are
your"Ladies". Then I looked at the Asian guy."You must be the accountant!!!" They all
laughed.....THANK GOD!!!!!
The next night I was hosting a fund raiser for a girls ringette team. Now there was
about 100 people and the team.....did I mention that the girls we 15 years old. Already I
feel like a dirty old man because of my act.I opened with my PG13 jokes which were
OK. It's hard to get the attention fro a table of 15year old girl busy texting. So I decided
to talk to them. I asked " So whats your record????" They didn't know. "Who's the
leading scorer??? They didn't know." Where are you in the standings" They didn't
know. I was confused,but my mouth wasn't." So, is this a "special" league???? Is
everyone a winner???" Finally they laughed.I couldn't understand how they didn't
know there stats. Apparently, they don't keep track of these. So in my best old man
voice I said..." When I was a kid they had scoreboards." The show went well.I did a joke
about drinking a prairie fire ( tequila and Tabasco sauce) The punch line is......." It
took 2 weeks, but my pubic hair finally did grow back" Then I paused..."You know.
Only at a comedy show can you say pubic hair in front of 15 year old girls and the cops
NOT show up" Oh well, off to Toronto this week. Hope everyone has a safe time
shopping.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
November 28, 2009
Hey all !!!!!!! So this weekend I'm headlining the, "House of Comedy" in Niagara Falls. I
haven't been at this club in 2 years. Last night I'm on stage doing my thing....btw it
took about 7 hours to drive here and I literally got to the show on time. So really time to
unwind. Which is fine, I'm use to that. As the show is going on I'm being heckled here
and there. No problem I LOVE hecklers. They think they're being smart when all it
takes is a little time from me and they end up making themselves look bad. I go into
my routine about women being on top during sex. So I pretend to climb on top. Some
drunken hillbilly screams.." Looks like you're fucking a cow!" Well I was tired
and...NOT IN THE MOOD!!! So I said, "Sorry but that was the size of your mom!!!" The
crowd laughed and oooooed at the same time. I tried to go on but he didn't want to give
up." My mom is dead" he screamed."Well, if I had a son like you I'd be dead also!!!"
Like I said I wasn't in the mood. I told him we can do this all night if you want but trust
me YOU'LL LOOSE !!!! Then he was quite and said...'' Do you want to go!!!!!'' Now he
wants to fight me. Have you ever been in the mood for someone to pick a fight with you.
So you can release about 10 years of fustration....that was me. I said..''Really.....shut up
and let me tell my jokes'' The show went on an everyone seemed to enjoy them selves.
At the end I was standing in the back selling my wares,but this guy kept staring at me.
It was dead mamma'a boy. I smiled, waiting for him to say something. As he was
leaving his girlfriend said goodnight and thank you for the show. HE without looking
me in the face said...''goodnight cocksucker!!!!!!'' Way to be a man you little bitch. I
guess it`s easy to be brave when you're in the dark. Either way I WIN AGAIN !!!!!!!!!!!
Positive vibes to all
November 16,2009
Howdy !!! Just came back from a great weekend at ABSOLUTE COMEDY in Ottawa. It
started out very interesting. My plan for that week was to record my new DVD," Tall,
Semi-dark and Funny!!!" I was practicing my new set on Thursday night and half way
through I felt it wasn't going well. I'm always hard on my self and my act. As a
comedian you always want your set to be perfect, which is impossible. While telling my
jokes I was think of cancelling the taping and re-writing my act and maybe taping it
next year. I walk off stage and went to the green room. I was telling the opening comic
that I really wasn't happy with my set. At that point the club manager came in an asked
if i had more jokes. I said yes and why???? " They want you to come back !!" I looked
at him stunned and said.." FUCK OFF thats not funny" "NO they want you back" While
I was walking back to the green room doubting my act the crowd wanted an encore.I
was clueless to this. I tend to shut down as soon as I walk off stage. So, I came back and
was very thankful...and shocked. Did 5 more minutes and left. For the 1st time in my 15
year career I got an encore. On a night that I really didn't like my set. I know I'm
retarded. People were coming up to me saying how much they enjoyed the show. A
little while after I was outside having a smoke, still in shock at what happened when
this older woman said ,"Hey, funny guy. Come over here". I assumed it was somebody
else who wanted to say something about the show. They she looked and me and smiled
and said,' You want some weed???" Ahhhhh reality !!! Finally, on Sunday the 15th I
recorded my new DVD. I could not have asked for a better night. The crowd was great.
That staff of the club along with the video crew all seem to flow together. I'm so
thankful I didn't listen to my inside voice on Thursday.I would like to thank everyone
involved with the taping.I could not have done it without everyone's help.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL.
November 2, 2009
Hey all !! Had a really cool week last week. Got to be part of a shoot for a pilot for CBC
called, "Tangled" Played a spy who was video taping a fake wedding. Spent 2 days in a
tuxedo, had my own trailer, assistant directors were making sure I had everything and
were taking care of me...VERY COOL !!! Always enjoy the whole process of filming.
Now, after 2 days of spoiling reality decided to who up. Did a gig for a softball league.
There year end banquet. Ahhhhhhh the glamour. So I got there around 930ish and they
had been drinking since I'd say March. They gave out their awards and I was to go on
after. But, 1st they opened the dance floor. I told the organizer give them a 10 minute
warning that the show will be starting. He did, then asked if I was ready I said yup. So
he went to the DJ to intro me..and without asking people the leave the floor and in his
best "stripper DJ" voice he introduce me....."I DON'T THINK SO!!!" I worked my way
through a bunch of confused people and said," Hey ! Hows everyone doing??" Blank
stares soon followed. So I said, "Listen,I'll be back in 5 minutes then we'll start the
show. Everyone was cool with that and sat down. Little did I know that was the highlight
of the show. Very rough crowd but I survived.
Positive vibes to all
October 14,2009
HowYOUdoin???? Just back from a great weekend at "Wiseguys" in Syracuse New
York. Had some great shows and worked with a very funny guy named Jeff Bodart from
Indiana. As always I live the glamorous and exciting life. I was standing outside of the
club with Jeff having a smoke. A woman came out and looked at us.."Are you the
comedians??" she asked. I always play around when people ask that. I said, "No, I'm
just an innocent bystander." She looked at Jeff," Are you the comedian??". He looked at
me then said,"Yes,I am". She seemed a little surprised and said," Who the hell are
you???" Jeff without missing a beat replied,"Well, who the hell are YOU???" I nearly
choked from laughing so hard. Later that night we had a late show for about 20 people.
I love small crowds,much more intimate and gives me a chance to work on some of my
newer stuff. Well, half way through the show I notice a guy in the front row...ASLEEP
!!!!!! His wife nudged him and he woke up. I said to the room....." WOW, I'm branching
out into a new venture. Now I can sell my CDs as relaxation tapes !!!!! I love my job !!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
September 26, 2009
Ola !!! It's been a busy couple of weeks. No major run ins with heacklers....which means I'm due
!!! I have had a couple of cool comedy "perks" come my way. I did a corporate show for Imperial
Tobacco. Fun show and afterwards when I got paid the gave me a carton of there product...(
actually I'm not allowed to say so if anybody from the company is reading this it was "milk".Last
night I was a judge for BITE TV's " Stand up and bite me Comedy contest. The winner got
$5000!!!!! I must admit it was weird judging my friends. Before the show got started ,for being a
judge they gave me a gift card for booze. Gotta love the little things in life.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
September 11, 2009
Hey Everyone !!! About 12 years ago when I first started doing stand up I did a show at Carlton
University. A major school in Ottawa Ontario. I was brand new and very excited to be doing a
school show. When I took the stage I started to introduce the show ( I was the host )... "
Welcome everyone you're in for a great show" Then some guy shouted " THIS GUY SUCKS!!!!" I
was a little surprised but kept going, "Your headliner tonight"....... Another guy screamed..'HOLY
SHIT ARE YOU STILL ON STAGE!!!" OK ,I was new I figured they got it out of their system I kept
going..."You may have seen him on"......."FUCK WOULD YOU GET OFF THE STAGE!!!!". That
was it, I snapped...."I haven't said anything yet you ASSHOLES!!!" . Well, I guess you can tell how
the rest of my show went. I tried EVERYTHING and nothing worked. At one point I was talking to a
teacher in the crowd and asked him what did he teach. He said..."I teach my students to be funnier
than you. I replied...."Oh............... You're one of those teacher I heard who teaches cock sucking
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I know it makes no sense but I was pissed and wanted to call him that. I was
supposed to do 30 minutes and I ended at 18. For years that was one of my worst shows EVER. Fast
forward to last night. Back at Carlton for the first time since. I headlined the show and got a
standing ovation........I WIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!
September 1st, 2009
Hey everyone !!! Just got back from a very interesting gig I did this past weekend. I was booked to
MC and annual event in Toronto but on by Piranha Productions. Kind of a fancy dressy type of
party to raise money for some schools in Jamaica. 1st off some of the BEST food I have ever had !!!
The show consisted of myself a couple of other comics and a singer know only as cowboy.
I met this guy and was a little confused. He had this thick and I do mean thick Jamaican accent. I
said, "What type of stuff do you sing?? He told me country and western.....Yeah right??? NO what
do you really sing. He looked at me strangely which made us even...he said again, country and
western...ok....I intro him and her comes out in FULL cowboy gear. White suit, boots and hat. You
have not seen weird until you hear black man singing c&w. But, he was REALLY good. No accent
and was totally into it. Unfortunately he was the only one. They all look at him with that..."WTF"
face.
After him they had a special guest who called himself...are you ready for this..'Jahmichael
Jackson". He was going to do a West Indian MJ skit. Now anybody how knows me knows I'm a
HUGE MJ fan so I was a little skeptical. Well he came out and torn the place up. Sounded like
him...with an accent sang like him was quite impressed.........then I'm not sure if the drugs kicked
in or his meds wore off but it got weird. After trying to do a joke about Michael getting raped...as
you can imagine non stop laughs with that joke...NOT he threw off his wig and then started
throwing food. I'm not joking...1st it was a drink, then peanuts. Followed by bread and the close it
off.....PORK !!!!! Needless to say the organizer wanted me to take him off and thank god he left
quietly, for the moment.
When the dance floor opened they played some Michael. I was out there doing my thing when he
came back. Started dancing like Mj...trust me I can dance way better and he was just making a fool
of himself. When the Song "Beat It" came on he took off his belt and started smacking the ground
with it,scaring everyone off the floor. I know you're jealous !!
Until next time
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
August 30, 2009
First off I am very very sorry about falling behind in my website maintenance. Took some time off
over the summer to recharge. I've updated and changed the look of my site. A little smaller and
more user friendly. Feel free to let me know what you think. I have some big plans in the works for
the coming year and will let you know as they develop.
Thank you all for continuing to visit and I will do my very best to not get lazy and update as often
as possible.
Positive Vibes To All !!!!!
Hey!!!! I know it's been quite a long while since I blogged. Been pretty
busy and I keep meaning to update. My bad!!! This has been one of my
busiest summers ever. It's been pretty quiet on the incident front. Until last
week. I performed at a golf tournament last week. Needles to say,they had
been drinking since March. The sound was shit and nobody wanted to be
there. It had the making of a horrible gig. Which,it was. By the time I got
up there they were well toasted. I start my act and this drunk women yells,
"You're half and half!!!" I hadn't said 2 words. I started talking to her. She
started saying for no reason...."I'm a lesbian and I fucked Bret Favre".
Like I said they were all hammered. The she starts starring at my crotch.
I'm asked are you checking me out. She replied," Well, you don't have
much!!" I fired back..."Really!!!! I'm pretty sure my dick is bigger than
your clit!!!!" That was pretty much the highlight. I did one joke in 20
minutes of screaming and closed by saying, "Thank you very much I'm
going to get a day job."
I'll try not to fall so far behind this time.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!
May 4, 2010
Hey everyone!!! Once again sorry I have fallen behind in my blogging. To
be honest it's been kinda quiet on the incident front. Until last night. I was
in Calgary hosting "Comedy Monday Night". A great open mike night that's
been running for years. Many rookies and pros come down to work out stuff
or just to hang. So, I'm hosting and was getting ready to bring a new kid on.
I asked him before how to pronounce his last name properly. Trust me, it
drives me crazy when people screw up my name so I want to get other
peoples right. I must have asked him 5-6 times so I would get it right. I go
back on stage, do a joke then as I am about to introduce him I forgot his
name. I know I'm an idiot.I asked him from the stage how to say it. He told
me and I introduced him. I apologized and walked off. Then he says.....I
assume he was trying to be cute.."GET MY NAME RIGHT NEXT TIME
ASSHOLE!!!" ( that word seems to keep following me).
I turned and looked back at the stage and thought,"REALLY!?!?!?!" . This
kid has been on stage all of dozen times and I'm an asshole???? As I
walked back all the veteran comics were saying,"You're going to tear him
a new one right????".... "What do you think??" So he did his act to pretty
much silence. Which I knew that was going to happen. He finished to no
laughs and I came back on stage.I took the mike." Keep it going for Adam
whatshisface!!!!!" I looked at him."Sorry buddy!" Then I screamed,"HEY
ADAM,NEXT TIME BE FUCKING FUNNY ASSHOLE!!!!" To the cheers of
my fellow comics. The odd thing was that nobody could find Adam after.
Out west for a few more days then home. I'll blog soon.I promise
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
March 29,2010
Howdy Y'all!!!! All is well on my western tour. I was hosting the other night at
The Comedy Cave in Calgary when let's just say I had an incident. First off I
was standing out side when someone ask me if I was one of the comedians. I
said yes and then he asked the question that every comic HATES!!! "Are you
funny????" I looked him strait back in the eye and said,"Not at all." Why do
people ask that question? I'm on the show I've been booked so doesn't that
answer your question?? Would you ask your doctor....."Are you any
good???? Have you killed a lot of people???" I don't get it.
So I was hosting when I mentioned that I'm from Montreal and then some
drunk idiot screamed "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MONTREAL!!!" OK
buddy, relax. As I was trying to talk to the crowd 2 women who were sitting
with Mr. WOOO would not shut up. Commenting on everything. So I took it
to them."WOW,they must be missing you at the trailer park!!!" The crowd
ooooed,they usually do. I went back to the crowd and then I mentioned that I
was single. Then one of the trailer girls says."I'm not surprised" I shot
back,"Honey, if I was married to you I'd be sucking dick right now!!!!" I
brought on the next comic. When he was done I came back on stage. The
same woman said..." Wow, that guy was funny but this guy is an asshole" I
looked strait at her,"What did you say????" She clammed up. They usually
do...........stupid !@#$%^&*()
The second show went much better. But, there was one funny moment. I
was talking about the Olympics and some guy in the crowd mention how
they beat us in hockey.????? I asked what do you mean?? "Well, you guys
lost the gold medal???" What do you mean we?????" He thought I was
American. I told him I was Canadian. He said, " All you black guys look
the same." I laughed and said," That's s funny all you white guys looked
the same just before we shoot you." I know what he said was in fun. I'm
just proud I came back so quick with that line. One week to go
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
March 20,2010
Greetings from Vancity!!! Just got here and having an awesome time. My
first show on Thursday went well. Was talking to the crowd and there was a
softball team having a fund raiser. I asked what kind of softball do they play.
This woman told me "orthodox"......What the??? So I said," I guess you don't
play on Fridays!!!" I'm so happy they got that joke. I've had bad luck with
religious references in the past. Also, there was a stag party going on and I
asked the guy how he proposed. He told me he got down on one knee and did
it in her language. So being the jerk I am said," How romantic. You looked at
her and said, you don't need to clean my house anymore I'll marry you"
Last night there was a stagette. I started talking to her and let me tell you
she looked terrified. I asked where they were going on there honeymoon. She
told me Disney World. I'm like" WOW, where did you register at Toy's R
US???" They all laughed because that's where she met het husband to be. So
I crack up and say," Did you work together or were you 12 and he's 47????"
I know rude even for me. But wait, I top that one.
There was a drunk guy in the crowd and I had been talking to him. Nothing
major just back and forth banter. I ask the crowd who has it easier being
single men or women. He screams out," WOMEN SUCK COCK FOR COKE" I
snapped back," Buddy a woman wouldn't suck your cock for citizenship!!!!"
Every once and a while I say something that I'm very proud of. That one is
one of them. I spent the rest of the show trying not to crack up over what I
said. 2 more days in Van then off to Calgary.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
March 18, 2010
Hey everyone !!!! Just finished a great weekend at The Comedy Room in
Detroit. Had an awesome time. Good crowds and great shows. But,you know
I'm not writing you just to tell you this....LOL. On the Saturday show things
were going well. To the right of the stage there was a table of "Wanna be"
biker looking guys. My guard went up. Not that I have had any problems
with bikers in the past...well except that one time with the HELLS
ANGELS.....(see my March 14,2009 blog for that story). These guys were
harmless but I had a feeling. So, I go into my routine about hunting. I was
talking with a guy and I asked him what did he hunt. I could hear from the
biker boys...." I hunt coons"...He didn't say it very loud so I ignored it. As I
kept talking to the 1st guy now he's says it louder....." WE HUNT COONS".
OK folks.....he dropped the puck....GAME ON!!! So I asked him what did he
say. Suddenly Mr. Klansman is quiet. I so took it too him. "I'm so happy they
let you out of rehab for the show tonight!!!" What time do you get back to the
trailor park?? I'll be sure to watch you on INTERVENTION this week" He
said nothing. His buddies were all like..."HE GOT YOU".....Hat trick scored
by Jocko Alston!!. So the show went on and they were having a fund raiser
that night. Your typical 50/50 draw. So, I finish my set, I hock my DVDs then
go into my closing bit. From the corner of my eye is see a girl holding the
50/50 bucket. I tell her I'm not finished. She says ," But, we have a draw" . I
asked her could I finish first. He didn't even blink. OK 50/50 draw time. She
picks the ticket tell tells me..."When you read it be funny!!!" To which I
said."Hey, thanks for the career advice" Did my closer and all was well. I'm
off to Vancouver then Calgary for my annual." Rocky Mountain Redneck
tour"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
March 6th 2010.
Hey all !!!! Well, last week I did a gig for the Buffalo Jills....yes the cheerleaders for the
Buffalo Bills. I know I know my job sucks.....lol.When I got to the gig I walk in and there
they were. All in uniform. VERY COOL!! Got a chance to take a group picture with
them.......oh I'll be posting that very soon. Had a great show, always enjoy going to
Buffalo. The one thing I noticed were the boyfriends of the cheerleaders. As I was
meeting each of them and getting there autographs I would meet the bf's . I guess it's a
secret handshake that they have because each one of them would suddenly stand as
tall as they could and attempt to crush my hand.I laughed each time. OK boys.....I GET
IT!!! All I can say is guys, don't worry about my hand....it's the other guys who see your
gals on TV hands you have to worry about. Off to Detroit for the first time in 2 years.
Then out west for my annual "REDNECK TOUR"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 26,2010
Hey everyone!!! Got a great story for you. Did a last minute gig just outside Ottawa last
weekend. It was a fund raiser for boys and girls rugby. So, I open with my
standard..."I'm a HUGE supporter of women's rugby because I love lesbians!!!!" They
liked that one. Half way through my show I ask what the age is of the players,then I
noticed a VERY young boy in the crowd. This is after numerous fucks and shits came
flying out of my mouth.I asked how old he was .HE told me he was 12. What the ??????
"Are your parents here???" He said no. I asked where they were. He replies...." I don't
know" I paused and said..." Well,if your parents don't give a shit,why should I so fuck
you". Now, I have said some rude things in my life. But that one tops the list. The
crowd exploded, he enjoyed it also. So as I went on I kept referring to him. Then I found
out that a 28 year old guy still lived at home. So I moved my attention to him. Each time
I asked him a question someone else would answer.I finally said..." Does he do
anything on his own??? Hell, he still lives at home I'm sure he does A LOT of things on
his own!" So when the night was over I was selling my DVD'S and guess who the 1st one
to buy one was....thats right,the 12 year old kid. I autographed it....Connor....stay in
school!!!
Oh well off to do a show in Buffalo for the Bills cheerleaders. I do hope they are all of
age.....and that sounds wrong.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 19,2010
Hey all!!! Well, I had a rather interesting gig last. If you read my last blog I was working
with Alonzo Bodden. Very funny and cool guy. Soon after meeting him I told him about
my new DVD having a similar title to his and I was going to change it. He was VERY cool
about it. So I did my show and it went well. Afterwards I was outside the theatre selling
my wares. I have to tell you I had about 10 people ask me where I was from. When I told
them I'm a hometown boy they all seemed shocked. So one guy asked about my DVDs.
Then he said..."Hmmmm I'm curious so I'll guess I'll but them" Gee thanks!!!!!So, I go
back into the room and Alonzo was surrounded by people wanting pictures and
autographs,yada yada. I'm standing in the back just chillin when some guy felt the
need to talk to me. Never a good thing. So he says..."Wow, you must feel bad that
nobody wants to take a picture with you!!!"Well,I was still in comedy mode so I fired
back."That's OK,one day they will want my picture,they'll NEVER want yours".
Needless to say he stopped talking to me. Ahhhhh the glamour!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 17,2010 ********* LIMITED EDITION DVD***********
Hey all!!!! What a weird and great week it has been. Had an awesome launch week at
Ernie Butler's Comedy Nest. Thanks so much to the staff and especially Ken and Jake
who helped put it all together. Then, things got weird. Long story short I was booked for
a gig and found out that I'd be working with a very talented comic named Alonzo
Bodden. You might know him as the winner of "Last Comic Standing". I thought COOL
!!!! What a great opportunity!!! So I googled him to get some info. Well, I found out that
in 2005 he released a DVD called " Tall, Dark and Funny"....Sound familiar !!!! LOL!!
After further googling I also found out that George Lopez has an HBO special called; "
Tall, Dark and Chicano"...D'OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm changing the title of my DVD from......"Tall, Semi-Dark and Funny" to "40...No
Filter". I've googled it and IT'S MINE!!!!! So, now I have about 120 copies of;
"Tall,Semi-Dark and Funny" left. They are now collector's editions. Each one will be
numbered and signed. Once I've sold these they will officially become...
"40...No Filter".Oh well, good thing I found out now and not after some type of
lawsuit....lol. I'll let you know how it goes with Alonzo. I'll be sure to tell him about my
title. Got to be upfront about it. I honestly had no idea.
Then next week I'll be gigging for the Buffalo Bills Cheerleaders......it's a fund raiser
for new uniforms...and they'll be wearing their old ones.......my job sucks........lol
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 5,2010
Hey everyone !!! I know most of my blogs tend to deal with the funny side of my life but
today I'm feeling a little different. I just want to take a moment or two to say a few
things. Tomorrow my 2nd DVD will be ready and it has made me think of the last 15
years of my career.
Now, before you read this although it may sound like I'm bitter or angry I am not. I'm a
very positive and happy person. You'll understand what I mean by the end of this.
When I 1st started doing comedy it was as a joke. To see if I could do it. Although, I
bombed horribly that night I felt comfortable on stage. Which any performer will tell
you is half the battle. I plugged along for a few months and entered a contest.
"Montreal's Funniest New Comic" .I made it to the finals but lost to a guy who did 4
street jokes and read 2 greeting cards!!!! I was devastated!!! Not because I lost but how.
I know I was new BUT I did my own jokes !!!! I received a second place prize which, to
this day I have NEVER opened!!! I kept the envelope as a reminder of what this business
can be. I quit that night.
Several months later I was laid off from my day job and decided to try comedy again. I
was collecting unemployment so it seemed like a good idea. I got back in the groove
and started moving up. Along the way several of the older comics would tell
me..."You'll never make it" " Your act is just fluff!!! You say nothing" One club owner
told me I wasn't funny enough to play his club. It was the club where I started. So I took
my act on the road.
I started getting better and better. Still running into people saying I won't make it.
Years later one agent told me that despite my great reports from clubs and my now
" bomb proof act" that I "couldn't close a room".I hear that in my head every time I
take the stage. Through all of this I never stopped believing in myself. Oh, don't get me
wrong. There were days when I wanted to quit. Long drives wondering if returning to
Blockbuster Video would be a good idea. Thinking that maybe they were all right. But, I
still plugged away
I remember for about 6 years auditioning for the "Just for Laughs Festival".Being told
over and over again,"Not this year". Watching comics who at that point were opening
for me, making it. Comics who had done it half the time I had been doing it make it. It
killed me inside. But, I never let it show. I always said congrats to them and wished
them luck. The worst of these time being when the festival people picked the act they
wanted me to do, only to tell me I didn't make it because the act...that they choose
wasn't good enough. Those were the hardest times. Not congratulating them, but the
doubting of my ability. Other comics that I knew were going through the same feelings
and I saw them getting bitter and angry. How it would take them over. I never allowed
myself to feel that way. I just tried harder and harder.
It was then that I decided to NOT let ANYONE tell me how good I am. I'll let the crowds
decide. They laugh at a joke, it's a good joke.I know it sounds logical but you'd be
surprised how many performers don't do that. Once again I kept plugging along
working and working.
Finally in 2005 I got the festival. With an act that I chose. I figured I'd rather not get it
because I chose the wrong jokes. Not somebody else. At the time I met some execs
from a new radio network. XM satellite radio.I gave them a CD of my act. I can't tell you
how many comics ripped me up for that. "You're an idiot!!!" "You shouldn't have done
that!!!" Well, years later, after becoming one of there most requested acts and getting a
ton of email's from people who heard me and came to shows because of that, those
same comics call me asking who I gave the CD to.
When I recorded my 1st DVD once again people thought I was crazy. "Everybody has
CDs...nobody will buy a DVD" ."You're wasting your money!!!"But, I felt deep down
this would work. I did worry that I wouldn't sell a single one. Well,5 years later and over
2000 sold I'm about to release me 2nd DVD.
All of this to say this. Whatever you decide to do in your life. Whether its
performing,accounting or washing dishes you will ALWAYS run into people who will
think you're an idiot or try to convince you that they know better and you shouldn't
do it. Don't get angry or bitter. Believe in yourself. You and ONLY you know what's
right for you. If you fail....you fail. But, fail because of your choices, not others.I
thank all of those people for telling me I was crazy or not funny or you'll never make
it as a comedian. It motivated me to work harder because I knew deep down inside I
could do all those things. In the words of one of my inspirations..Michael Jackson
" It's just a matter of time,before you confidence wins out
believe in yourself no matter what it takes...just KEEP THE FAITH"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
January 30, 2010
Hey again!!! Well, we're in the home stretch of editing " Tall,Semi-Dark and Funny"
Should be ready by weeks end. The spring leg of my promo tour has been finalized.
Check the ON TOUR tab for more info. Should have some summer dates by the end of
February. I'm very excited about this and hope everyone can come out and share in the
fun.O.k back to the editing room.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
January 25,2010
Hey everyone!!! Hope you have all had a happy and safe start to the new year. Just
finished gigging at "The House of Comedy" in Niagara Falls. Fun club and always
great crowds. I was heading into my final bit and I ask," How many women find sex
more enjoyable for them than for the man??" One drunk guy, who had been yapping
all night screams. " Of course women !!! Us guys make them cum 5-6 times!!" I had
had it with his chirping. I fired back," I don't think you could make your-self cum!!!""
You probably jerk off your toe!!" Then I made him the show. I asked him what did he
do for a living. He told me he was born and adult and was getting younger by the
minute!!! "So that means your going from idiot to retard???" I fired at him. And he
was loving this!!!! So from that point on he was CORKY!!! I finished my set.
Mentioned my DVD with the usual....."Funny Bald Negro IS the title, because that's
what you'll tell your friends at work"..." Oh some FBN met a guy name Corky and
kept punching him in the face and got younger and younger then he became an
infant and he spanked him!!!" Finally at the end the guy came up to me....they
always do and said...." You were awesome and I HELPED YOU !!!!!" Sure bud you
helped me prove to whole room of people that you're an IDIOT !!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL!!!
January 8, 2010
Greeting from Halifax, Nova Scotia !!! Haven't performed here in 10 years. I'm gigging
at a new club named "Jokers". Nice little room. So last night I'm doing my act am I'm
doing my usual bits about being inter-racial. After the show a lovely young girl came
up to me and said that she enjoyed my act because she works at a "black and white"
school. To which I said...."They have a school for us now????" She was a little shocked
and explained that they had black and white students. Thanks for explaining that to
me.....lol
Today I did a spot on HALFM a radio station out here. Before I went on the station
manager told me that the name of my DVD..." Funny,Bald, Negro" may offend some
people. So only I could say the title. I always laugh because they are not the 1st
station to say that. The interview went well and I said NEGRO proudly 4 times. I
love my job.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!!
January 4th 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR ONE AND ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope everyone had a safe and happy
holiday. Had a somewhat quiet holiday myself. Meaning no run ins with drunk
hecklers. Very excited about the upcoming year. My new DVD .
"Tall, Semi-dark and Funny" is in the final editing stages. Should be ready and out in
early February. Working on a cross Canada tour to promote it. With some U.S dates
mixed in. Busy busy busy. Once again I wish everyone a great 2010. Will update you
soon.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
December 20,2009
Merrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Christmas!!!! I'm in Toronto hosting at Absolute comedy. The other
night I was asking if anyone was celebrating a birthday and someone said yes. I said
"Cool.....is today your actual Birthday?" They said, " No, it's on the 25th." Then I fired
back with..." So I guess you're celebrating with 12 of your friends."..........NOTHING !!!!
No reaction at all. I thought it was funny. Maybe I should of said...."That would explain
the 3 guys looking for you" Gotta work on my biblical material.
Positive vibes to all
December 13. 2009
Season Greetings everyone. Had a busy week with Xmas parties, which is always fun.
The 1st one was for a Dental office. A small party for about 25 people. 22 women,a
black guy and an Asian guy. ( Hold on...you'll read why I mention this in a minute ). My
buddy Jeff was the opener and he found out that the black guy was the boss and
everyone else worked for him. When I went up I opened with..."Hey, everyone !!!! I've
been standing in the back listening." Then I turned to the brotha and said.." My man!!!
You're not fooling me!!!! A black guy with 22 white women "working" for him....dental
office my ass!!!!! I've rented this movie before!!!! You're Big Daddy and these are
your"Ladies". Then I looked at the Asian guy."You must be the accountant!!!" They all
laughed.....THANK GOD!!!!!
The next night I was hosting a fund raiser for a girls ringette team. Now there was
about 100 people and the team.....did I mention that the girls we 15 years old. Already I
feel like a dirty old man because of my act.I opened with my PG13 jokes which were
OK. It's hard to get the attention fro a table of 15year old girl busy texting. So I decided
to talk to them. I asked " So whats your record????" They didn't know. "Who's the
leading scorer??? They didn't know." Where are you in the standings" They didn't
know. I was confused,but my mouth wasn't." So, is this a "special" league???? Is
everyone a winner???" Finally they laughed.I couldn't understand how they didn't
know there stats. Apparently, they don't keep track of these. So in my best old man
voice I said..." When I was a kid they had scoreboards." The show went well.I did a joke
about drinking a prairie fire ( tequila and Tabasco sauce) The punch line is......." It
took 2 weeks, but my pubic hair finally did grow back" Then I paused..."You know.
Only at a comedy show can you say pubic hair in front of 15 year old girls and the cops
NOT show up" Oh well, off to Toronto this week. Hope everyone has a safe time
shopping.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
November 28, 2009
Hey all !!!!!!! So this weekend I'm headlining the, "House of Comedy" in Niagara Falls. I
haven't been at this club in 2 years. Last night I'm on stage doing my thing....btw it
took about 7 hours to drive here and I literally got to the show on time. So really time to
unwind. Which is fine, I'm use to that. As the show is going on I'm being heckled here
and there. No problem I LOVE hecklers. They think they're being smart when all it
takes is a little time from me and they end up making themselves look bad. I go into
my routine about women being on top during sex. So I pretend to climb on top. Some
drunken hillbilly screams.." Looks like you're fucking a cow!" Well I was tired
and...NOT IN THE MOOD!!! So I said, "Sorry but that was the size of your mom!!!" The
crowd laughed and oooooed at the same time. I tried to go on but he didn't want to give
up." My mom is dead" he screamed."Well, if I had a son like you I'd be dead also!!!"
Like I said I wasn't in the mood. I told him we can do this all night if you want but trust
me YOU'LL LOOSE !!!! Then he was quite and said...'' Do you want to go!!!!!'' Now he
wants to fight me. Have you ever been in the mood for someone to pick a fight with you.
So you can release about 10 years of fustration....that was me. I said..''Really.....shut up
and let me tell my jokes'' The show went on an everyone seemed to enjoy them selves.
At the end I was standing in the back selling my wares,but this guy kept staring at me.
It was dead mamma'a boy. I smiled, waiting for him to say something. As he was
leaving his girlfriend said goodnight and thank you for the show. HE without looking
me in the face said...''goodnight cocksucker!!!!!!'' Way to be a man you little bitch. I
guess it`s easy to be brave when you're in the dark. Either way I WIN AGAIN !!!!!!!!!!!
Positive vibes to all
November 16,2009
Howdy !!! Just came back from a great weekend at ABSOLUTE COMEDY in Ottawa. It
started out very interesting. My plan for that week was to record my new DVD," Tall,
Semi-dark and Funny!!!" I was practicing my new set on Thursday night and half way
through I felt it wasn't going well. I'm always hard on my self and my act. As a
comedian you always want your set to be perfect, which is impossible. While telling my
jokes I was think of cancelling the taping and re-writing my act and maybe taping it
next year. I walk off stage and went to the green room. I was telling the opening comic
that I really wasn't happy with my set. At that point the club manager came in an asked
if i had more jokes. I said yes and why???? " They want you to come back !!" I looked
at him stunned and said.." FUCK OFF thats not funny" "NO they want you back" While
I was walking back to the green room doubting my act the crowd wanted an encore.I
was clueless to this. I tend to shut down as soon as I walk off stage. So, I came back and
was very thankful...and shocked. Did 5 more minutes and left. For the 1st time in my 15
year career I got an encore. On a night that I really didn't like my set. I know I'm
retarded. People were coming up to me saying how much they enjoyed the show. A
little while after I was outside having a smoke, still in shock at what happened when
this older woman said ,"Hey, funny guy. Come over here". I assumed it was somebody
else who wanted to say something about the show. They she looked and me and smiled
and said,' You want some weed???" Ahhhhh reality !!! Finally, on Sunday the 15th I
recorded my new DVD. I could not have asked for a better night. The crowd was great.
That staff of the club along with the video crew all seem to flow together. I'm so
thankful I didn't listen to my inside voice on Thursday.I would like to thank everyone
involved with the taping.I could not have done it without everyone's help.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL.
November 2, 2009
Hey all !! Had a really cool week last week. Got to be part of a shoot for a pilot for CBC
called, "Tangled" Played a spy who was video taping a fake wedding. Spent 2 days in a
tuxedo, had my own trailer, assistant directors were making sure I had everything and
were taking care of me...VERY COOL !!! Always enjoy the whole process of filming.
Now, after 2 days of spoiling reality decided to who up. Did a gig for a softball league.
There year end banquet. Ahhhhhhh the glamour. So I got there around 930ish and they
had been drinking since I'd say March. They gave out their awards and I was to go on
after. But, 1st they opened the dance floor. I told the organizer give them a 10 minute
warning that the show will be starting. He did, then asked if I was ready I said yup. So
he went to the DJ to intro me..and without asking people the leave the floor and in his
best "stripper DJ" voice he introduce me....."I DON'T THINK SO!!!" I worked my way
through a bunch of confused people and said," Hey ! Hows everyone doing??" Blank
stares soon followed. So I said, "Listen,I'll be back in 5 minutes then we'll start the
show. Everyone was cool with that and sat down. Little did I know that was the highlight
of the show. Very rough crowd but I survived.
Positive vibes to all
October 14,2009
HowYOUdoin???? Just back from a great weekend at "Wiseguys" in Syracuse New
York. Had some great shows and worked with a very funny guy named Jeff Bodart from
Indiana. As always I live the glamorous and exciting life. I was standing outside of the
club with Jeff having a smoke. A woman came out and looked at us.."Are you the
comedians??" she asked. I always play around when people ask that. I said, "No, I'm
just an innocent bystander." She looked at Jeff," Are you the comedian??". He looked at
me then said,"Yes,I am". She seemed a little surprised and said," Who the hell are
you???" Jeff without missing a beat replied,"Well, who the hell are YOU???" I nearly
choked from laughing so hard. Later that night we had a late show for about 20 people.
I love small crowds,much more intimate and gives me a chance to work on some of my
newer stuff. Well, half way through the show I notice a guy in the front row...ASLEEP
!!!!!! His wife nudged him and he woke up. I said to the room....." WOW, I'm branching
out into a new venture. Now I can sell my CDs as relaxation tapes !!!!! I love my job !!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
September 26, 2009
Ola !!! It's been a busy couple of weeks. No major run ins with heacklers....which means I'm due
!!! I have had a couple of cool comedy "perks" come my way. I did a corporate show for Imperial
Tobacco. Fun show and afterwards when I got paid the gave me a carton of there product...(
actually I'm not allowed to say so if anybody from the company is reading this it was "milk".Last
night I was a judge for BITE TV's " Stand up and bite me Comedy contest. The winner got
$5000!!!!! I must admit it was weird judging my friends. Before the show got started ,for being a
judge they gave me a gift card for booze. Gotta love the little things in life.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
September 11, 2009
Hey Everyone !!! About 12 years ago when I first started doing stand up I did a show at Carlton
University. A major school in Ottawa Ontario. I was brand new and very excited to be doing a
school show. When I took the stage I started to introduce the show ( I was the host )... "
Welcome everyone you're in for a great show" Then some guy shouted " THIS GUY SUCKS!!!!" I
was a little surprised but kept going, "Your headliner tonight"....... Another guy screamed..'HOLY
SHIT ARE YOU STILL ON STAGE!!!" OK ,I was new I figured they got it out of their system I kept
going..."You may have seen him on"......."FUCK WOULD YOU GET OFF THE STAGE!!!!". That
was it, I snapped...."I haven't said anything yet you ASSHOLES!!!" . Well, I guess you can tell how
the rest of my show went. I tried EVERYTHING and nothing worked. At one point I was talking to a
teacher in the crowd and asked him what did he teach. He said..."I teach my students to be funnier
than you. I replied...."Oh............... You're one of those teacher I heard who teaches cock sucking
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I know it makes no sense but I was pissed and wanted to call him that. I was
supposed to do 30 minutes and I ended at 18. For years that was one of my worst shows EVER. Fast
forward to last night. Back at Carlton for the first time since. I headlined the show and got a
standing ovation........I WIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!
September 1st, 2009
Hey everyone !!! Just got back from a very interesting gig I did this past weekend. I was booked to
MC and annual event in Toronto but on by Piranha Productions. Kind of a fancy dressy type of
party to raise money for some schools in Jamaica. 1st off some of the BEST food I have ever had !!!
The show consisted of myself a couple of other comics and a singer know only as cowboy.
I met this guy and was a little confused. He had this thick and I do mean thick Jamaican accent. I
said, "What type of stuff do you sing?? He told me country and western.....Yeah right??? NO what
do you really sing. He looked at me strangely which made us even...he said again, country and
western...ok....I intro him and her comes out in FULL cowboy gear. White suit, boots and hat. You
have not seen weird until you hear black man singing c&w. But, he was REALLY good. No accent
and was totally into it. Unfortunately he was the only one. They all look at him with that..."WTF"
face.
After him they had a special guest who called himself...are you ready for this..'Jahmichael
Jackson". He was going to do a West Indian MJ skit. Now anybody how knows me knows I'm a
HUGE MJ fan so I was a little skeptical. Well he came out and torn the place up. Sounded like
him...with an accent sang like him was quite impressed.........then I'm not sure if the drugs kicked
in or his meds wore off but it got weird. After trying to do a joke about Michael getting raped...as
you can imagine non stop laughs with that joke...NOT he threw off his wig and then started
throwing food. I'm not joking...1st it was a drink, then peanuts. Followed by bread and the close it
off.....PORK !!!!! Needless to say the organizer wanted me to take him off and thank god he left
quietly, for the moment.
When the dance floor opened they played some Michael. I was out there doing my thing when he
came back. Started dancing like Mj...trust me I can dance way better and he was just making a fool
of himself. When the Song "Beat It" came on he took off his belt and started smacking the ground
with it,scaring everyone off the floor. I know you're jealous !!
Until next time
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
August 30, 2009
First off I am very very sorry about falling behind in my website maintenance. Took some time off
over the summer to recharge. I've updated and changed the look of my site. A little smaller and
more user friendly. Feel free to let me know what you think. I have some big plans in the works for
the coming year and will let you know as they develop.
Thank you all for continuing to visit and I will do my very best to not get lazy and update as often
as possible.
Positive Vibes To All !!!!!
