| Hey again everyone..... This page will de dedicated to all the latest happenings in my life.... The Good, The Bad, and The Funny...... |
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| Latest news from Jockoland !!!! |
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March 6th 2010.
Hey all !!!! Well, last week I did a gig for the Buffalo Jills....yes the cheerleaders
for the Buffalo Bills. I know I know my job sucks.....lol.When I got to the gig I walk
in and there they were. All in uniform. VERY COOL!! Got a chance to take a group
picture with them.......oh I'll be posting that very soon. Had a great show, always
enjoy going to Buffalo. The one thing I noticed were the boyfriends of the
cheerleaders. As I was meeting each of them and getting there autographs I would
meet the bf's . I guess it's a secret handshake that they have because each one of
them would suddenly stand as tall as they could and attempt to crush my hand.I
laughed each time. OK boys.....I GET IT!!! All I can say is guys, don't worry about
my hand....it's the other guys who see your gals on TV hands you have to worry
about. Off to Detroit for the first time in 2 years. Then out west for my annual
"REDNECK TOUR"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 26,2010
Hey everyone!!! Got a great story for you. Did a last minute gig just outside Ottawa
last weekend. It was a fund raiser for boys and girls rugby. So, I open with my
standard..."I'm a HUGE supporter of women's rugby because I love lesbians!!!!"
They liked that one. Half way through my show I ask what the age is of the
players,then I noticed a VERY young boy in the crowd. This is after numerous fucks
and shits came flying out of my mouth.I asked how old he was .HE told me he was
12. What the ?????? "Are your parents here???" He said no. I asked where they were.
He replies...." I don't know" I paused and said..." Well,if your parents don't give a
shit,why should I so fuck you". Now, I have said some rude things in my life. But
that one tops the list. The crowd exploded, he enjoyed it also. So as I went on I kept
referring to him. Then I found out that a 28 year old guy still lived at home. So I
moved my attention to him. Each time I asked him a question someone else would
answer.I finally said..." Does he do anything on his own??? Hell, he still lives at
home I'm sure he does A LOT of things on his own!" So when the night was over I was
selling my DVD'S and guess who the 1st one to buy one was....thats right,the 12 year
old kid. I autographed it....Connor....stay in school!!!
Oh well off to do a show in Buffalo for the Bills cheerleaders. I do hope they are all of
age.....and that sounds wrong.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 19,2010
Hey all!!! Well, I had a rather interesting gig last. If you read my last blog I was
working with Alonzo Bodden. Very funny and cool guy. Soon after meeting him I told
him about my new DVD having a similar title to his and I was going to change it. He
was VERY cool about it. So I did my show and it went well. Afterwards I was outside
the theatre selling my wares. I have to tell you I had about 10 people ask me where I
was from. When I told them I'm a hometown boy they all seemed shocked. So one
guy asked about my DVDs. Then he said..."Hmmmm I'm curious so I'll guess I'll
but them" Gee thanks!!!!!So, I go back into the room and Alonzo was surrounded by
people wanting pictures and autographs,yada yada. I'm standing in the back just
chillin when some guy felt the need to talk to me. Never a good thing. So he
says..."Wow, you must feel bad that nobody wants to take a picture with
you!!!"Well,I was still in comedy mode so I fired back."That's OK,one day they will
want my picture,they'll NEVER want yours". Needless to say he stopped talking to
me. Ahhhhh the glamour!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 17,2010 ********* LIMITED EDITION DVD***********
Hey all!!!! What a weird and great week it has been. Had an awesome launch week at
Ernie Butler's Comedy Nest. Thanks so much to the staff and especially Ken and Jake
who helped put it all together. Then, things got weird. Long story short I was booked
for a gig and found out that I'd be working with a very talented comic named Alonzo
Bodden. You might know him as the winner of "Last Comic Standing". I thought
COOL !!!! What a great opportunity!!! So I googled him to get some info. Well, I
found out that in 2005 he released a DVD called " Tall, Dark and Funny"....Sound
familiar !!!! LOL!! After further googling I also found out that George Lopez has an
HBO special called; " Tall, Dark and Chicano"...D'OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm changing the title of my DVD from......"Tall, Semi-Dark and Funny" to
"40...No Filter". I've googled it and IT'S MINE!!!!! So, now I have about 120 copies
of; "Tall,Semi-Dark and Funny" left. They are now collector's editions. Each one
will be numbered and signed. Once I've sold these they will officially become...
"40...No Filter".Oh well, good thing I found out now and not after some type of
lawsuit....lol. I'll let you know how it goes with Alonzo. I'll be sure to tell him about
my title. Got to be upfront about it. I honestly had no idea.
Then next week I'll be gigging for the Buffalo Bills Cheerleaders......it's a fund
raiser for new uniforms...and they'll be wearing their old ones.......my job
sucks........lol
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 5,2010
Hey everyone !!! I know most of my blogs tend to deal with the funny side of my life
but today I'm feeling a little different. I just want to take a moment or two to say a
few things. Tomorrow my 2nd DVD will be ready and it has made me think of the
last 15 years of my career.
Now, before you read this although it may sound like I'm bitter or angry I am not.
I'm a very positive and happy person. You'll understand what I mean by the end of
this.
When I 1st started doing comedy it was as a joke. To see if I could do it. Although, I
bombed horribly that night I felt comfortable on stage. Which any performer will
tell you is half the battle. I plugged along for a few months and entered a contest.
"Montreal's Funniest New Comic" .I made it to the finals but lost to a guy who did 4
street jokes and read 2 greeting cards!!!! I was devastated!!! Not because I lost but
how. I know I was new BUT I did my own jokes !!!! I received a second place prize
which, to this day I have NEVER opened!!! I kept the envelope as a reminder of what
this business can be. I quit that night.
Several months later I was laid off from my day job and decided to try comedy
again. I was collecting unemployment so it seemed like a good idea. I got back in
the groove and started moving up. Along the way several of the older comics would
tell me..."You'll never make it" " Your act is just fluff!!! You say nothing" One club
owner told me I wasn't funny enough to play his club. It was the club where I started.
So I took my act on the road.
I started getting better and better. Still running into people saying I won't make it.
Years later one agent told me that despite my great reports from clubs and my now
" bomb proof act" that I "couldn't close a room".I hear that in my head every time I
take the stage. Through all of this I never stopped believing in myself. Oh, don't get
me wrong. There were days when I wanted to quit. Long drives wondering if
returning to Blockbuster Video would be a good idea. Thinking that maybe they
were all right. But, I still plugged away
I remember for about 6 years auditioning for the "Just for Laughs Festival".Being told
over and over again,"Not this year". Watching comics who at that point were
opening for me, making it. Comics who had done it half the time I had been doing it
make it. It killed me inside. But, I never let it show. I always said congrats to them
and wished them luck. The worst of these time being when the festival people
picked the act they wanted me to do, only to tell me I didn't make it because the
act...that they choose wasn't good enough. Those were the hardest times. Not
congratulating them, but the doubting of my ability. Other comics that I knew were
going through the same feelings and I saw them getting bitter and angry. How it
would take them over. I never allowed myself to feel that way. I just tried harder and
harder.
It was then that I decided to NOT let ANYONE tell me how good I am. I'll let the
crowds decide. They laugh at a joke, it's a good joke.I know it sounds logical but
you'd be surprised how many performers don't do that. Once again I kept plugging
along working and working.
Finally in 2005 I got the festival. With an act that I chose. I figured I'd rather not get
it because I chose the wrong jokes. Not somebody else. At the time I met some execs
from a new radio network. XM satellite radio.I gave them a CD of my act. I can't tell
you how many comics ripped me up for that. "You're an idiot!!!" "You shouldn't have
done that!!!" Well, years later, after becoming one of there most requested acts and
getting a ton of email's from people who heard me and came to shows because of
that, those same comics call me asking who I gave the CD to.
When I recorded my 1st DVD once again people thought I was crazy. "Everybody has
CDs...nobody will buy a DVD" ."You're wasting your money!!!"But, I felt deep down
this would work. I did worry that I wouldn't sell a single one. Well,5 years later and
over 2000 sold I'm about to release me 2nd DVD.
All of this to say this. Whatever you decide to do in your life. Whether its
performing,accounting or washing dishes you will ALWAYS run into people who will
think you're an idiot or try to convince you that they know better and you shouldn't
do it. Don't get angry or bitter. Believe in yourself. You and ONLY you know what's
right for you. If you fail....you fail. But, fail because of your choices, not others.I
thank all of those people for telling me I was crazy or not funny or you'll never make
it as a comedian. It motivated me to work harder because I knew deep down inside I
could do all those things. In the words of one of my inspirations..Michael Jackson
" It's just a matter of time,before you confidence wins out
believe in yourself no matter what it takes...just KEEP THE FAITH"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
January 30, 2010
Hey again!!! Well, we're in the home stretch of editing " Tall,Semi-Dark and Funny"
Should be ready by weeks end. The spring leg of my promo tour has been finalized.
Check the ON TOUR tab for more info. Should have some summer dates by the end
of February. I'm very excited about this and hope everyone can come out and share
in the fun.O.k back to the editing room.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
January 25,2010
Hey everyone!!! Hope you have all had a happy and safe start to the new year. Just
finished gigging at "The House of Comedy" in Niagara Falls. Fun club and always
great crowds. I was heading into my final bit and I ask," How many women find sex
more enjoyable for them than for the man??" One drunk guy, who had been yapping
all night screams. " Of course women !!! Us guys make them cum 5-6 times!!" I had
had it with his chirping. I fired back," I don't think you could make your-self
cum!!!"" You probably jerk off your toe!!" Then I made him the show. I asked him
what did he do for a living. He told me he was born and adult and was getting
younger by the minute!!! "So that means your going from idiot to retard???" I fired
at him. And he was loving this!!!! So from that point on he was CORKY!!! I finished
my set. Mentioned my DVD with the usual....."Funny Bald Negro IS the title,
because that's what you'll tell your friends at work"..." Oh some FBN met a guy
name Corky and kept punching him in the face and got younger and younger then he
became an infant and he spanked him!!!" Finally at the end the guy came up to
me....they always do and said...." You were awesome and I HELPED YOU !!!!!" Sure
bud you helped me prove to whole room of people that you're an IDIOT !!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL!!!
January 8, 2010
Greeting from Halifax, Nova Scotia !!! Haven't performed here in 10 years. I'm
gigging at a new club named "Jokers". Nice little room. So last night I'm doing my
act am I'm doing my usual bits about being inter-racial. After the show a lovely
young girl came up to me and said that she enjoyed my act because she works at a
"black and white" school. To which I said...."They have a school for us now????"
She was a little shocked and explained that they had black and white students.
Thanks for explaining that to me.....lol
Today I did a spot on HALFM a radio station out here. Before I went on the station
manager told me that the name of my DVD..." Funny,Bald, Negro" may offend some
people. So only I could say the title. I always laugh because they are not the 1st
station to say that. The interview went well and I said NEGRO proudly 4 times. I
love my job.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!!
January 4th 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR ONE AND ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope everyone had a safe and happy
holiday. Had a somewhat quiet holiday myself. Meaning no run ins with drunk
hecklers. Very excited about the upcoming year. My new DVD .
"Tall, Semi-dark and Funny" is in the final editing stages. Should be ready and out in
early February. Working on a cross Canada tour to promote it. With some U.S dates
mixed in. Busy busy busy. Once again I wish everyone a great 2010. Will update you
soon.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
December 20,2009
Merrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Christmas!!!! I'm in Toronto hosting at Absolute comedy. The
other night I was asking if anyone was celebrating a birthday and someone said yes.
I said "Cool.....is today your actual Birthday?" They said, " No, it's on the 25th."
Then I fired back with..." So I guess you're celebrating with 12 of your
friends."..........NOTHING !!!! No reaction at all. I thought it was funny. Maybe I
should of said...."That would explain the 3 guys looking for you" Gotta work on my
biblical material.
Positive vibes to all
December 13. 2009
Season Greetings everyone. Had a busy week with Xmas parties, which is always
fun. The 1st one was for a Dental office. A small party for about 25 people. 22
women,a black guy and an Asian guy. ( Hold on...you'll read why I mention this in a
minute ). My buddy Jeff was the opener and he found out that the black guy was the
boss and everyone else worked for him. When I went up I opened with..."Hey,
everyone !!!! I've been standing in the back listening." Then I turned to the brotha
and said.." My man!!! You're not fooling me!!!! A black guy with 22 white women
"working" for him....dental office my ass!!!!! I've rented this movie before!!!! You're
Big Daddy and these are your"Ladies". Then I looked at the Asian guy."You must be
the accountant!!!" They all laughed.....THANK GOD!!!!!
The next night I was hosting a fund raiser for a girls ringette team. Now there was
about 100 people and the team.....did I mention that the girls we 15 years old.
Already I feel like a dirty old man because of my act.I opened with my PG13 jokes
which were OK. It's hard to get the attention fro a table of 15year old girl busy
texting. So I decided to talk to them. I asked " So whats your record????" They didn't
know. "Who's the leading scorer??? They didn't know." Where are you in the
standings" They didn't know. I was confused,but my mouth wasn't." So, is this a
"special" league???? Is everyone a winner???" Finally they laughed.I couldn't
understand how they didn't know there stats. Apparently, they don't keep track of
these. So in my best old man voice I said..." When I was a kid they had
scoreboards." The show went well.I did a joke about drinking a prairie fire ( tequila
and Tabasco sauce) The punch line is......." It took 2 weeks, but my pubic hair
finally did grow back" Then I paused..."You know. Only at a comedy show can you
say pubic hair in front of 15 year old girls and the cops NOT show up" Oh well, off to
Toronto this week. Hope everyone has a safe time shopping.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
November 28, 2009
Hey all !!!!!!! So this weekend I'm headlining the, "House of Comedy" in Niagara
Falls. I haven't been at this club in 2 years. Last night I'm on stage doing my
thing....btw it took about 7 hours to drive here and I literally got to the show on time.
So really time to unwind. Which is fine, I'm use to that. As the show is going on I'm
being heckled here and there. No problem I LOVE hecklers. They think they're
being smart when all it takes is a little time from me and they end up making
themselves look bad. I go into my routine about women being on top during sex. So I
pretend to climb on top. Some drunken hillbilly screams.." Looks like you're
fucking a cow!" Well I was tired and...NOT IN THE MOOD!!! So I said, "Sorry but
that was the size of your mom!!!" The crowd laughed and oooooed at the same time.
I tried to go on but he didn't want to give up." My mom is dead" he screamed."Well,
if I had a son like you I'd be dead also!!!" Like I said I wasn't in the mood. I told him
we can do this all night if you want but trust me YOU'LL LOOSE !!!! Then he was
quite and said...'' Do you want to go!!!!!'' Now he wants to fight me. Have you ever
been in the mood for someone to pick a fight with you. So you can release about 10
years of fustration....that was me. I said..''Really.....shut up and let me tell my
jokes'' The show went on an everyone seemed to enjoy them selves. At the end I was
standing in the back selling my wares,but this guy kept staring at me. It was dead
mamma'a boy. I smiled, waiting for him to say something. As he was leaving his
girlfriend said goodnight and thank you for the show. HE without looking me in the
face said...''goodnight cocksucker!!!!!!'' Way to be a man you little bitch. I guess
it`s easy to be brave when you're in the dark. Either way I WIN AGAIN !!!!!!!!!!!
Positive vibes to all
November 16,2009
Howdy !!! Just came back from a great weekend at ABSOLUTE COMEDY in Ottawa.
It started out very interesting. My plan for that week was to record my new DVD,"
Tall, Semi-dark and Funny!!!" I was practicing my new set on Thursday night and
half way through I felt it wasn't going well. I'm always hard on my self and my act.
As a comedian you always want your set to be perfect, which is impossible. While
telling my jokes I was think of cancelling the taping and re-writing my act and
maybe taping it next year. I walk off stage and went to the green room. I was telling
the opening comic that I really wasn't happy with my set. At that point the club
manager came in an asked if i had more jokes. I said yes and why???? " They want
you to come back !!" I looked at him stunned and said.." FUCK OFF thats not funny"
"NO they want you back" While I was walking back to the green room doubting my
act the crowd wanted an encore.I was clueless to this. I tend to shut down as soon as I
walk off stage. So, I came back and was very thankful...and shocked. Did 5 more
minutes and left. For the 1st time in my 15 year career I got an encore. On a night
that I really didn't like my set. I know I'm retarded. People were coming up to me
saying how much they enjoyed the show. A little while after I was outside having a
smoke, still in shock at what happened when this older woman said ,"Hey, funny
guy. Come over here". I assumed it was somebody else who wanted to say
something about the show. They she looked and me and smiled and said,' You want
some weed???" Ahhhhh reality !!! Finally, on Sunday the 15th I recorded my new
DVD. I could not have asked for a better night. The crowd was great. That staff of the
club along with the video crew all seem to flow together. I'm so thankful I didn't
listen to my inside voice on Thursday.I would like to thank everyone involved with
the taping.I could not have done it without everyone's help.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL.
November 2, 2009
Hey all !! Had a really cool week last week. Got to be part of a shoot for a pilot for
CBC called, "Tangled" Played a spy who was video taping a fake wedding. Spent 2
days in a tuxedo, had my own trailer, assistant directors were making sure I had
everything and were taking care of me...VERY COOL !!! Always enjoy the whole
process of filming. Now, after 2 days of spoiling reality decided to who up. Did a gig
for a softball league. There year end banquet. Ahhhhhhh the glamour. So I got there
around 930ish and they had been drinking since I'd say March. They gave out their
awards and I was to go on after. But, 1st they opened the dance floor. I told the
organizer give them a 10 minute warning that the show will be starting. He did, then
asked if I was ready I said yup. So he went to the DJ to intro me..and without asking
people the leave the floor and in his best "stripper DJ" voice he introduce me....."I
DON'T THINK SO!!!" I worked my way through a bunch of confused people and
said," Hey ! Hows everyone doing??" Blank stares soon followed. So I said,
"Listen,I'll be back in 5 minutes then we'll start the show. Everyone was cool with
that and sat down. Little did I know that was the highlight of the show. Very rough
crowd but I survived.
Positive vibes to all
October 14,2009
HowYOUdoin???? Just back from a great weekend at "Wiseguys" in Syracuse New
York. Had some great shows and worked with a very funny guy named Jeff Bodart
from Indiana. As always I live the glamorous and exciting life. I was standing
outside of the club with Jeff having a smoke. A woman came out and looked at
us.."Are you the comedians??" she asked. I always play around when people ask
that. I said, "No, I'm just an innocent bystander." She looked at Jeff," Are you the
comedian??". He looked at me then said,"Yes,I am". She seemed a little surprised
and said," Who the hell are you???" Jeff without missing a beat replied,"Well, who
the hell are YOU???" I nearly choked from laughing so hard. Later that night we had
a late show for about 20 people. I love small crowds,much more intimate and gives
me a chance to work on some of my newer stuff. Well, half way through the show I
notice a guy in the front row...ASLEEP !!!!!! His wife nudged him and he woke up. I
said to the room....." WOW, I'm branching out into a new venture. Now I can sell my
CDs as relaxation tapes !!!!! I love my job !!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
September 26, 2009
Ola !!! It's been a busy couple of weeks. No major run ins with heacklers....which means I'm
due !!! I have had a couple of cool comedy "perks" come my way. I did a corporate show for
Imperial Tobacco. Fun show and afterwards when I got paid the gave me a carton of there
product...( actually I'm not allowed to say so if anybody from the company is reading this it was
"milk".Last night I was a judge for BITE TV's " Stand up and bite me Comedy contest. The
winner got $5000!!!!! I must admit it was weird judging my friends. Before the show got started
,for being a judge they gave me a gift card for booze. Gotta love the little things in life.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
September 11, 2009
Hey Everyone !!! About 12 years ago when I first started doing stand up I did a show at Carlton
University. A major school in Ottawa Ontario. I was brand new and very excited to be doing a
school show. When I took the stage I started to introduce the show ( I was the host )...
" Welcome everyone you're in for a great show" Then some guy shouted " THIS GUY SUCKS!!!!"
I was a little surprised but kept going, "Your headliner tonight"....... Another guy
screamed..'HOLY SHIT ARE YOU STILL ON STAGE!!!" OK ,I was new I figured they got it out of
their system I kept going..."You may have seen him on"......."FUCK WOULD YOU GET OFF
THE STAGE!!!!". That was it, I snapped...."I haven't said anything yet you ASSHOLES!!!" . Well,
I guess you can tell how the rest of my show went. I tried EVERYTHING and nothing worked. At
one point I was talking to a teacher in the crowd and asked him what did he teach. He said..."I
teach my students to be funnier than you. I replied...."Oh............... You're one of those
teacher I heard who teaches cock sucking !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I know it makes no sense but I was
pissed and wanted to call him that. I was supposed to do 30 minutes and I ended at 18. For
years that was one of my worst shows EVER. Fast forward to last night. Back at Carlton for the
first time since. I headlined the show and got a standing ovation........I WIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!
September 1st, 2009
Hey everyone !!! Just got back from a very interesting gig I did this past weekend. I was booked
to MC and annual event in Toronto but on by Piranha Productions. Kind of a fancy dressy type
of party to raise money for some schools in Jamaica. 1st off some of the BEST food I have ever
had !!! The show consisted of myself a couple of other comics and a singer know only as
cowboy.
I met this guy and was a little confused. He had this thick and I do mean thick Jamaican
accent. I said, "What type of stuff do you sing?? He told me country and western.....Yeah
right??? NO what do you really sing. He looked at me strangely which made us even...he said
again, country and western...ok....I intro him and her comes out in FULL cowboy gear. White
suit, boots and hat. You have not seen weird until you hear black man singing c&w. But, he was
REALLY good. No accent and was totally into it. Unfortunately he was the only one. They all
look at him with that..."WTF" face.
After him they had a special guest who called himself...are you ready for this..'Jahmichael
Jackson". He was going to do a West Indian MJ skit. Now anybody how knows me knows I'm a
HUGE MJ fan so I was a little skeptical. Well he came out and torn the place up. Sounded like
him...with an accent sang like him was quite impressed.........then I'm not sure if the drugs
kicked in or his meds wore off but it got weird. After trying to do a joke about Michael getting
raped...as you can imagine non stop laughs with that joke...NOT he threw off his wig and then
started throwing food. I'm not joking...1st it was a drink, then peanuts. Followed by bread and
the close it off.....PORK !!!!! Needless to say the organizer wanted me to take him off and thank
god he left quietly, for the moment.
When the dance floor opened they played some Michael. I was out there doing my thing when
he came back. Started dancing like Mj...trust me I can dance way better and he was just
making a fool of himself. When the Song "Beat It" came on he took off his belt and started
smacking the ground with it,scaring everyone off the floor. I know you're jealous !!
Until next time
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
August 30, 2009
First off I am very very sorry about falling behind in my website maintenance. Took some time
off over the summer to recharge. I've updated and changed the look of my site. A little smaller
and more user friendly. Feel free to let me know what you think. I have some big plans in the
works for the coming year and will let you know as they develop.
Thank you all for continuing to visit and I will do my very best to not get lazy and update as
often as possible.
Positive Vibes To All !!!!!
Hey all !!!! Well, last week I did a gig for the Buffalo Jills....yes the cheerleaders
for the Buffalo Bills. I know I know my job sucks.....lol.When I got to the gig I walk
in and there they were. All in uniform. VERY COOL!! Got a chance to take a group
picture with them.......oh I'll be posting that very soon. Had a great show, always
enjoy going to Buffalo. The one thing I noticed were the boyfriends of the
cheerleaders. As I was meeting each of them and getting there autographs I would
meet the bf's . I guess it's a secret handshake that they have because each one of
them would suddenly stand as tall as they could and attempt to crush my hand.I
laughed each time. OK boys.....I GET IT!!! All I can say is guys, don't worry about
my hand....it's the other guys who see your gals on TV hands you have to worry
about. Off to Detroit for the first time in 2 years. Then out west for my annual
"REDNECK TOUR"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 26,2010
Hey everyone!!! Got a great story for you. Did a last minute gig just outside Ottawa
last weekend. It was a fund raiser for boys and girls rugby. So, I open with my
standard..."I'm a HUGE supporter of women's rugby because I love lesbians!!!!"
They liked that one. Half way through my show I ask what the age is of the
players,then I noticed a VERY young boy in the crowd. This is after numerous fucks
and shits came flying out of my mouth.I asked how old he was .HE told me he was
12. What the ?????? "Are your parents here???" He said no. I asked where they were.
He replies...." I don't know" I paused and said..." Well,if your parents don't give a
shit,why should I so fuck you". Now, I have said some rude things in my life. But
that one tops the list. The crowd exploded, he enjoyed it also. So as I went on I kept
referring to him. Then I found out that a 28 year old guy still lived at home. So I
moved my attention to him. Each time I asked him a question someone else would
answer.I finally said..." Does he do anything on his own??? Hell, he still lives at
home I'm sure he does A LOT of things on his own!" So when the night was over I was
selling my DVD'S and guess who the 1st one to buy one was....thats right,the 12 year
old kid. I autographed it....Connor....stay in school!!!
Oh well off to do a show in Buffalo for the Bills cheerleaders. I do hope they are all of
age.....and that sounds wrong.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 19,2010
Hey all!!! Well, I had a rather interesting gig last. If you read my last blog I was
working with Alonzo Bodden. Very funny and cool guy. Soon after meeting him I told
him about my new DVD having a similar title to his and I was going to change it. He
was VERY cool about it. So I did my show and it went well. Afterwards I was outside
the theatre selling my wares. I have to tell you I had about 10 people ask me where I
was from. When I told them I'm a hometown boy they all seemed shocked. So one
guy asked about my DVDs. Then he said..."Hmmmm I'm curious so I'll guess I'll
but them" Gee thanks!!!!!So, I go back into the room and Alonzo was surrounded by
people wanting pictures and autographs,yada yada. I'm standing in the back just
chillin when some guy felt the need to talk to me. Never a good thing. So he
says..."Wow, you must feel bad that nobody wants to take a picture with
you!!!"Well,I was still in comedy mode so I fired back."That's OK,one day they will
want my picture,they'll NEVER want yours". Needless to say he stopped talking to
me. Ahhhhh the glamour!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 17,2010 ********* LIMITED EDITION DVD***********
Hey all!!!! What a weird and great week it has been. Had an awesome launch week at
Ernie Butler's Comedy Nest. Thanks so much to the staff and especially Ken and Jake
who helped put it all together. Then, things got weird. Long story short I was booked
for a gig and found out that I'd be working with a very talented comic named Alonzo
Bodden. You might know him as the winner of "Last Comic Standing". I thought
COOL !!!! What a great opportunity!!! So I googled him to get some info. Well, I
found out that in 2005 he released a DVD called " Tall, Dark and Funny"....Sound
familiar !!!! LOL!! After further googling I also found out that George Lopez has an
HBO special called; " Tall, Dark and Chicano"...D'OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm changing the title of my DVD from......"Tall, Semi-Dark and Funny" to
"40...No Filter". I've googled it and IT'S MINE!!!!! So, now I have about 120 copies
of; "Tall,Semi-Dark and Funny" left. They are now collector's editions. Each one
will be numbered and signed. Once I've sold these they will officially become...
"40...No Filter".Oh well, good thing I found out now and not after some type of
lawsuit....lol. I'll let you know how it goes with Alonzo. I'll be sure to tell him about
my title. Got to be upfront about it. I honestly had no idea.
Then next week I'll be gigging for the Buffalo Bills Cheerleaders......it's a fund
raiser for new uniforms...and they'll be wearing their old ones.......my job
sucks........lol
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
February 5,2010
Hey everyone !!! I know most of my blogs tend to deal with the funny side of my life
but today I'm feeling a little different. I just want to take a moment or two to say a
few things. Tomorrow my 2nd DVD will be ready and it has made me think of the
last 15 years of my career.
Now, before you read this although it may sound like I'm bitter or angry I am not.
I'm a very positive and happy person. You'll understand what I mean by the end of
this.
When I 1st started doing comedy it was as a joke. To see if I could do it. Although, I
bombed horribly that night I felt comfortable on stage. Which any performer will
tell you is half the battle. I plugged along for a few months and entered a contest.
"Montreal's Funniest New Comic" .I made it to the finals but lost to a guy who did 4
street jokes and read 2 greeting cards!!!! I was devastated!!! Not because I lost but
how. I know I was new BUT I did my own jokes !!!! I received a second place prize
which, to this day I have NEVER opened!!! I kept the envelope as a reminder of what
this business can be. I quit that night.
Several months later I was laid off from my day job and decided to try comedy
again. I was collecting unemployment so it seemed like a good idea. I got back in
the groove and started moving up. Along the way several of the older comics would
tell me..."You'll never make it" " Your act is just fluff!!! You say nothing" One club
owner told me I wasn't funny enough to play his club. It was the club where I started.
So I took my act on the road.
I started getting better and better. Still running into people saying I won't make it.
Years later one agent told me that despite my great reports from clubs and my now
" bomb proof act" that I "couldn't close a room".I hear that in my head every time I
take the stage. Through all of this I never stopped believing in myself. Oh, don't get
me wrong. There were days when I wanted to quit. Long drives wondering if
returning to Blockbuster Video would be a good idea. Thinking that maybe they
were all right. But, I still plugged away
I remember for about 6 years auditioning for the "Just for Laughs Festival".Being told
over and over again,"Not this year". Watching comics who at that point were
opening for me, making it. Comics who had done it half the time I had been doing it
make it. It killed me inside. But, I never let it show. I always said congrats to them
and wished them luck. The worst of these time being when the festival people
picked the act they wanted me to do, only to tell me I didn't make it because the
act...that they choose wasn't good enough. Those were the hardest times. Not
congratulating them, but the doubting of my ability. Other comics that I knew were
going through the same feelings and I saw them getting bitter and angry. How it
would take them over. I never allowed myself to feel that way. I just tried harder and
harder.
It was then that I decided to NOT let ANYONE tell me how good I am. I'll let the
crowds decide. They laugh at a joke, it's a good joke.I know it sounds logical but
you'd be surprised how many performers don't do that. Once again I kept plugging
along working and working.
Finally in 2005 I got the festival. With an act that I chose. I figured I'd rather not get
it because I chose the wrong jokes. Not somebody else. At the time I met some execs
from a new radio network. XM satellite radio.I gave them a CD of my act. I can't tell
you how many comics ripped me up for that. "You're an idiot!!!" "You shouldn't have
done that!!!" Well, years later, after becoming one of there most requested acts and
getting a ton of email's from people who heard me and came to shows because of
that, those same comics call me asking who I gave the CD to.
When I recorded my 1st DVD once again people thought I was crazy. "Everybody has
CDs...nobody will buy a DVD" ."You're wasting your money!!!"But, I felt deep down
this would work. I did worry that I wouldn't sell a single one. Well,5 years later and
over 2000 sold I'm about to release me 2nd DVD.
All of this to say this. Whatever you decide to do in your life. Whether its
performing,accounting or washing dishes you will ALWAYS run into people who will
think you're an idiot or try to convince you that they know better and you shouldn't
do it. Don't get angry or bitter. Believe in yourself. You and ONLY you know what's
right for you. If you fail....you fail. But, fail because of your choices, not others.I
thank all of those people for telling me I was crazy or not funny or you'll never make
it as a comedian. It motivated me to work harder because I knew deep down inside I
could do all those things. In the words of one of my inspirations..Michael Jackson
" It's just a matter of time,before you confidence wins out
believe in yourself no matter what it takes...just KEEP THE FAITH"
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
January 30, 2010
Hey again!!! Well, we're in the home stretch of editing " Tall,Semi-Dark and Funny"
Should be ready by weeks end. The spring leg of my promo tour has been finalized.
Check the ON TOUR tab for more info. Should have some summer dates by the end
of February. I'm very excited about this and hope everyone can come out and share
in the fun.O.k back to the editing room.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
January 25,2010
Hey everyone!!! Hope you have all had a happy and safe start to the new year. Just
finished gigging at "The House of Comedy" in Niagara Falls. Fun club and always
great crowds. I was heading into my final bit and I ask," How many women find sex
more enjoyable for them than for the man??" One drunk guy, who had been yapping
all night screams. " Of course women !!! Us guys make them cum 5-6 times!!" I had
had it with his chirping. I fired back," I don't think you could make your-self
cum!!!"" You probably jerk off your toe!!" Then I made him the show. I asked him
what did he do for a living. He told me he was born and adult and was getting
younger by the minute!!! "So that means your going from idiot to retard???" I fired
at him. And he was loving this!!!! So from that point on he was CORKY!!! I finished
my set. Mentioned my DVD with the usual....."Funny Bald Negro IS the title,
because that's what you'll tell your friends at work"..." Oh some FBN met a guy
name Corky and kept punching him in the face and got younger and younger then he
became an infant and he spanked him!!!" Finally at the end the guy came up to
me....they always do and said...." You were awesome and I HELPED YOU !!!!!" Sure
bud you helped me prove to whole room of people that you're an IDIOT !!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL!!!
January 8, 2010
Greeting from Halifax, Nova Scotia !!! Haven't performed here in 10 years. I'm
gigging at a new club named "Jokers". Nice little room. So last night I'm doing my
act am I'm doing my usual bits about being inter-racial. After the show a lovely
young girl came up to me and said that she enjoyed my act because she works at a
"black and white" school. To which I said...."They have a school for us now????"
She was a little shocked and explained that they had black and white students.
Thanks for explaining that to me.....lol
Today I did a spot on HALFM a radio station out here. Before I went on the station
manager told me that the name of my DVD..." Funny,Bald, Negro" may offend some
people. So only I could say the title. I always laugh because they are not the 1st
station to say that. The interview went well and I said NEGRO proudly 4 times. I
love my job.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!!
January 4th 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR ONE AND ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope everyone had a safe and happy
holiday. Had a somewhat quiet holiday myself. Meaning no run ins with drunk
hecklers. Very excited about the upcoming year. My new DVD .
"Tall, Semi-dark and Funny" is in the final editing stages. Should be ready and out in
early February. Working on a cross Canada tour to promote it. With some U.S dates
mixed in. Busy busy busy. Once again I wish everyone a great 2010. Will update you
soon.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
December 20,2009
Merrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Christmas!!!! I'm in Toronto hosting at Absolute comedy. The
other night I was asking if anyone was celebrating a birthday and someone said yes.
I said "Cool.....is today your actual Birthday?" They said, " No, it's on the 25th."
Then I fired back with..." So I guess you're celebrating with 12 of your
friends."..........NOTHING !!!! No reaction at all. I thought it was funny. Maybe I
should of said...."That would explain the 3 guys looking for you" Gotta work on my
biblical material.
Positive vibes to all
December 13. 2009
Season Greetings everyone. Had a busy week with Xmas parties, which is always
fun. The 1st one was for a Dental office. A small party for about 25 people. 22
women,a black guy and an Asian guy. ( Hold on...you'll read why I mention this in a
minute ). My buddy Jeff was the opener and he found out that the black guy was the
boss and everyone else worked for him. When I went up I opened with..."Hey,
everyone !!!! I've been standing in the back listening." Then I turned to the brotha
and said.." My man!!! You're not fooling me!!!! A black guy with 22 white women
"working" for him....dental office my ass!!!!! I've rented this movie before!!!! You're
Big Daddy and these are your"Ladies". Then I looked at the Asian guy."You must be
the accountant!!!" They all laughed.....THANK GOD!!!!!
The next night I was hosting a fund raiser for a girls ringette team. Now there was
about 100 people and the team.....did I mention that the girls we 15 years old.
Already I feel like a dirty old man because of my act.I opened with my PG13 jokes
which were OK. It's hard to get the attention fro a table of 15year old girl busy
texting. So I decided to talk to them. I asked " So whats your record????" They didn't
know. "Who's the leading scorer??? They didn't know." Where are you in the
standings" They didn't know. I was confused,but my mouth wasn't." So, is this a
"special" league???? Is everyone a winner???" Finally they laughed.I couldn't
understand how they didn't know there stats. Apparently, they don't keep track of
these. So in my best old man voice I said..." When I was a kid they had
scoreboards." The show went well.I did a joke about drinking a prairie fire ( tequila
and Tabasco sauce) The punch line is......." It took 2 weeks, but my pubic hair
finally did grow back" Then I paused..."You know. Only at a comedy show can you
say pubic hair in front of 15 year old girls and the cops NOT show up" Oh well, off to
Toronto this week. Hope everyone has a safe time shopping.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
November 28, 2009
Hey all !!!!!!! So this weekend I'm headlining the, "House of Comedy" in Niagara
Falls. I haven't been at this club in 2 years. Last night I'm on stage doing my
thing....btw it took about 7 hours to drive here and I literally got to the show on time.
So really time to unwind. Which is fine, I'm use to that. As the show is going on I'm
being heckled here and there. No problem I LOVE hecklers. They think they're
being smart when all it takes is a little time from me and they end up making
themselves look bad. I go into my routine about women being on top during sex. So I
pretend to climb on top. Some drunken hillbilly screams.." Looks like you're
fucking a cow!" Well I was tired and...NOT IN THE MOOD!!! So I said, "Sorry but
that was the size of your mom!!!" The crowd laughed and oooooed at the same time.
I tried to go on but he didn't want to give up." My mom is dead" he screamed."Well,
if I had a son like you I'd be dead also!!!" Like I said I wasn't in the mood. I told him
we can do this all night if you want but trust me YOU'LL LOOSE !!!! Then he was
quite and said...'' Do you want to go!!!!!'' Now he wants to fight me. Have you ever
been in the mood for someone to pick a fight with you. So you can release about 10
years of fustration....that was me. I said..''Really.....shut up and let me tell my
jokes'' The show went on an everyone seemed to enjoy them selves. At the end I was
standing in the back selling my wares,but this guy kept staring at me. It was dead
mamma'a boy. I smiled, waiting for him to say something. As he was leaving his
girlfriend said goodnight and thank you for the show. HE without looking me in the
face said...''goodnight cocksucker!!!!!!'' Way to be a man you little bitch. I guess
it`s easy to be brave when you're in the dark. Either way I WIN AGAIN !!!!!!!!!!!
Positive vibes to all
November 16,2009
Howdy !!! Just came back from a great weekend at ABSOLUTE COMEDY in Ottawa.
It started out very interesting. My plan for that week was to record my new DVD,"
Tall, Semi-dark and Funny!!!" I was practicing my new set on Thursday night and
half way through I felt it wasn't going well. I'm always hard on my self and my act.
As a comedian you always want your set to be perfect, which is impossible. While
telling my jokes I was think of cancelling the taping and re-writing my act and
maybe taping it next year. I walk off stage and went to the green room. I was telling
the opening comic that I really wasn't happy with my set. At that point the club
manager came in an asked if i had more jokes. I said yes and why???? " They want
you to come back !!" I looked at him stunned and said.." FUCK OFF thats not funny"
"NO they want you back" While I was walking back to the green room doubting my
act the crowd wanted an encore.I was clueless to this. I tend to shut down as soon as I
walk off stage. So, I came back and was very thankful...and shocked. Did 5 more
minutes and left. For the 1st time in my 15 year career I got an encore. On a night
that I really didn't like my set. I know I'm retarded. People were coming up to me
saying how much they enjoyed the show. A little while after I was outside having a
smoke, still in shock at what happened when this older woman said ,"Hey, funny
guy. Come over here". I assumed it was somebody else who wanted to say
something about the show. They she looked and me and smiled and said,' You want
some weed???" Ahhhhh reality !!! Finally, on Sunday the 15th I recorded my new
DVD. I could not have asked for a better night. The crowd was great. That staff of the
club along with the video crew all seem to flow together. I'm so thankful I didn't
listen to my inside voice on Thursday.I would like to thank everyone involved with
the taping.I could not have done it without everyone's help.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL.
November 2, 2009
Hey all !! Had a really cool week last week. Got to be part of a shoot for a pilot for
CBC called, "Tangled" Played a spy who was video taping a fake wedding. Spent 2
days in a tuxedo, had my own trailer, assistant directors were making sure I had
everything and were taking care of me...VERY COOL !!! Always enjoy the whole
process of filming. Now, after 2 days of spoiling reality decided to who up. Did a gig
for a softball league. There year end banquet. Ahhhhhhh the glamour. So I got there
around 930ish and they had been drinking since I'd say March. They gave out their
awards and I was to go on after. But, 1st they opened the dance floor. I told the
organizer give them a 10 minute warning that the show will be starting. He did, then
asked if I was ready I said yup. So he went to the DJ to intro me..and without asking
people the leave the floor and in his best "stripper DJ" voice he introduce me....."I
DON'T THINK SO!!!" I worked my way through a bunch of confused people and
said," Hey ! Hows everyone doing??" Blank stares soon followed. So I said,
"Listen,I'll be back in 5 minutes then we'll start the show. Everyone was cool with
that and sat down. Little did I know that was the highlight of the show. Very rough
crowd but I survived.
Positive vibes to all
October 14,2009
HowYOUdoin???? Just back from a great weekend at "Wiseguys" in Syracuse New
York. Had some great shows and worked with a very funny guy named Jeff Bodart
from Indiana. As always I live the glamorous and exciting life. I was standing
outside of the club with Jeff having a smoke. A woman came out and looked at
us.."Are you the comedians??" she asked. I always play around when people ask
that. I said, "No, I'm just an innocent bystander." She looked at Jeff," Are you the
comedian??". He looked at me then said,"Yes,I am". She seemed a little surprised
and said," Who the hell are you???" Jeff without missing a beat replied,"Well, who
the hell are YOU???" I nearly choked from laughing so hard. Later that night we had
a late show for about 20 people. I love small crowds,much more intimate and gives
me a chance to work on some of my newer stuff. Well, half way through the show I
notice a guy in the front row...ASLEEP !!!!!! His wife nudged him and he woke up. I
said to the room....." WOW, I'm branching out into a new venture. Now I can sell my
CDs as relaxation tapes !!!!! I love my job !!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
September 26, 2009
Ola !!! It's been a busy couple of weeks. No major run ins with heacklers....which means I'm
due !!! I have had a couple of cool comedy "perks" come my way. I did a corporate show for
Imperial Tobacco. Fun show and afterwards when I got paid the gave me a carton of there
product...( actually I'm not allowed to say so if anybody from the company is reading this it was
"milk".Last night I was a judge for BITE TV's " Stand up and bite me Comedy contest. The
winner got $5000!!!!! I must admit it was weird judging my friends. Before the show got started
,for being a judge they gave me a gift card for booze. Gotta love the little things in life.
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
September 11, 2009
Hey Everyone !!! About 12 years ago when I first started doing stand up I did a show at Carlton
University. A major school in Ottawa Ontario. I was brand new and very excited to be doing a
school show. When I took the stage I started to introduce the show ( I was the host )...
" Welcome everyone you're in for a great show" Then some guy shouted " THIS GUY SUCKS!!!!"
I was a little surprised but kept going, "Your headliner tonight"....... Another guy
screamed..'HOLY SHIT ARE YOU STILL ON STAGE!!!" OK ,I was new I figured they got it out of
their system I kept going..."You may have seen him on"......."FUCK WOULD YOU GET OFF
THE STAGE!!!!". That was it, I snapped...."I haven't said anything yet you ASSHOLES!!!" . Well,
I guess you can tell how the rest of my show went. I tried EVERYTHING and nothing worked. At
one point I was talking to a teacher in the crowd and asked him what did he teach. He said..."I
teach my students to be funnier than you. I replied...."Oh............... You're one of those
teacher I heard who teaches cock sucking !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I know it makes no sense but I was
pissed and wanted to call him that. I was supposed to do 30 minutes and I ended at 18. For
years that was one of my worst shows EVER. Fast forward to last night. Back at Carlton for the
first time since. I headlined the show and got a standing ovation........I WIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL !!!
September 1st, 2009
Hey everyone !!! Just got back from a very interesting gig I did this past weekend. I was booked
to MC and annual event in Toronto but on by Piranha Productions. Kind of a fancy dressy type
of party to raise money for some schools in Jamaica. 1st off some of the BEST food I have ever
had !!! The show consisted of myself a couple of other comics and a singer know only as
cowboy.
I met this guy and was a little confused. He had this thick and I do mean thick Jamaican
accent. I said, "What type of stuff do you sing?? He told me country and western.....Yeah
right??? NO what do you really sing. He looked at me strangely which made us even...he said
again, country and western...ok....I intro him and her comes out in FULL cowboy gear. White
suit, boots and hat. You have not seen weird until you hear black man singing c&w. But, he was
REALLY good. No accent and was totally into it. Unfortunately he was the only one. They all
look at him with that..."WTF" face.
After him they had a special guest who called himself...are you ready for this..'Jahmichael
Jackson". He was going to do a West Indian MJ skit. Now anybody how knows me knows I'm a
HUGE MJ fan so I was a little skeptical. Well he came out and torn the place up. Sounded like
him...with an accent sang like him was quite impressed.........then I'm not sure if the drugs
kicked in or his meds wore off but it got weird. After trying to do a joke about Michael getting
raped...as you can imagine non stop laughs with that joke...NOT he threw off his wig and then
started throwing food. I'm not joking...1st it was a drink, then peanuts. Followed by bread and
the close it off.....PORK !!!!! Needless to say the organizer wanted me to take him off and thank
god he left quietly, for the moment.
When the dance floor opened they played some Michael. I was out there doing my thing when
he came back. Started dancing like Mj...trust me I can dance way better and he was just
making a fool of himself. When the Song "Beat It" came on he took off his belt and started
smacking the ground with it,scaring everyone off the floor. I know you're jealous !!
Until next time
POSITIVE VIBES TO ALL
August 30, 2009
First off I am very very sorry about falling behind in my website maintenance. Took some time
off over the summer to recharge. I've updated and changed the look of my site. A little smaller
and more user friendly. Feel free to let me know what you think. I have some big plans in the
works for the coming year and will let you know as they develop.
Thank you all for continuing to visit and I will do my very best to not get lazy and update as
often as possible.
Positive Vibes To All !!!!!